Nonbeliever
by QuirkyQwerty101
Summary: Erwin watched in frozen horror as the enormous hand reached for him. No blades. No fuel. Nowhere left to run. This was it. He would die without ever avenging his father's death. What a stupid waste of a life. Stupid. That's what he thought when he saw her willingly jump into the titan's hand in his place.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! So, I started another AOT fanfic because I got kind of attached to the Yeager family. I even did the artwork for it! Check it out, drop a review and let me know what you think!

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

 _Year 842:_

* * *

Erwin watched in frozen horror as the enormous hand reached for him. No blades. No fuel. Nowhere left to run. This was it. He would die without ever avenging his father's death. What a stupid waste of a life. _Stupid._ That's what he thought when he saw her willingly jump into the titan's hand in his place. Her blades spun, sending a spray of blood through the air as the severed fingers landed on the grass. His ice blue eyes met her emerald green ones for a brief second. Her long black hair whipped in the wind all around her. She shot out a grapple to the titan's head and swung her body until she was behind the monster. Her blades gracefully sliced its nape and she landed lightly on its head, on the toes of one foot, letting the falling beast carry her down. It crashed face first, and she hopped gently before impact, landing in front of Erwin as if she had just completed an elegant and acrobatic dance rather than slain a 20-meter giant.

"Are you alright, squad leader?" she asked with the same stoic look she always had. Not once had he seen lines of stress blemish her forehead, or a frown push out her bottom lip. Her face was stone—no, it was harder to break. It was diamond: perfect and immovable. Though there had been times that Erwin thought about what her smile would look like. He wanted to see it just once before he died.

"Yes, I'm fine. Though, I can't say I'm thrilled with you jumping into a titan's hand." he confessed. "Avoid taking unnecessary risks."

"I apologize, sir, but I respectfully disagree." She shook the blood from her blades and sheathed them. Her eyes bore into his. "If I had gone directly for its nape, it would have grabbed you." She whistled for the horses and the familiar sound of hoofbeats made Erwin smile with relief.

"I can handle being grabbed." he assured her. She hesitated for a bit before speaking up again.

"I apologize, sir." she repeated. "My objective, as set forth by Commander Shadis, was to protect you. Your value to the Survey Corps is too great to take any risks with. Letting you be grabbed by that titan was not an option."

"And what if you were injured in the process?" Erwin challenged. She stared back at him with that same emotionless face.

"I don't understand the question, sir." _What a strange response._ He raised an eyebrow at her.

"You being injured in the process is not worth the risk that you took." he clarified. She looked away. It was the only hint she gave when she was deeply considering something. He had at least learned that about her.

"I respectfully disagree, sir. The sacrifice of us dispensables is always worth the protection of elite warriors such as yourself." She turned and mounted her horse.

"Cassandra!" Erwin's voice was authoritative. She met his gaze. "No soldier is dispensable. Especially not you."

* * *

 _Year 832:_

* * *

"Again." Grisha demanded, staring down at his small children. His son glared up at him with mirrored green eyes. "Again, Zeke." Grisha repeated. His daughter struggled to her feet, holding up her arms in a shaky fighting stance. She kept her emerald eyes focused on her older brother.

"She needs to rest!" Zeke pleaded with his father.

"I-I'm fine!" she assured. "Please, let's continue." Her shoulder length black hair clung to her face and neck with sweat. Zeke tugged at his pale blonde hair in frustration. He looked over to his mother, silently begging her to intervene on her children's behalf. But she just sat there watching. _Detestable._ Zeke scowled at her. He turned back to his little sister—the one he had held and promised to always protect since she first entered this world—and threw the full weight of his larger body behind his punch. She quickly dodged it, leaning back and to the left. Zeke followed through with a kick, knocking her legs out from under her. She landed on the ground with a sickening thud—like someone had tossed a bag of potatoes. She pushed herself up onto her hands and knees, making a final effort to stand before collapsing. Dina finally approached her. _Did you finally decide to be a mother?_ Zeke bit his tongue to avoid causing any trouble for his sister.

"Cassandra…" Dina cooed, stroking her daughter's face.

"I'm sorry…." Cassandra squeaked out. "I really have been training." She looked up into her mother's face, distressed and disappointed in herself. Dina smiled and stroked her cheek.

"You're only five." Zeke reassured her, taking her delicate hand in his. "You'll get stronger."

"It's not about her strength." Zeke visibly tensed at his father's voice. He wanted to scream at him, to tell him that he was done letting him use his children as pawns. He hated what was happening to Cassandra. _Hate._ It wasn't a strong enough word to describe what he felt. He wanted his parents dead. He **wished** they were dead. "Lean forward when you're dodging an attack, not backward. You need to keep solid footing. Remember, Cassandra, if you're not an elite warrior, you're a dispensable nuisance. I don't want my children growing up to be cannon fodder for the Marlyean government." Cassandra nodded obediently at her father's instructions. _Dispensable._ Zeke couldn't bring himself to be upset. It was how his father saw them. They were just a means to an end. Marley wanted child soldiers to mutilate, and their father was more than eager to send his children to the training camps to infiltrate them on his behalf—to gain the power of a titan for his cause. Zeke just wanted Cassandra to live a long, healthy, and happy life. What kind of a life would she have as a weapon? "We're done for today. Clean up." Zeke helped her stand, leading her to their bathroom. He ran the hot water and glanced at Cassandra as she stripped. His eyebrows pushed down against his doleful eyes, drawing a crease from the bridge of his nose, deep into his forehead. His jaw clenched with rage and indescribable agony. Yellow, purple, and blue blotches spread across her tiny body. Each bruise in a separate stage of healing. Each a reminder of her parents' continued cruelty. Each a testament to her brother's broken promises. He helped her into the tub and turned to the window, opening it wide and letting the cold night air in. It soothed his headache, if only for a moment. The soft sounds of Cassandra's whimpers and sniffles filled the room, and Zeke obscured his own tears from her by keeping his face pointed squarely toward the window.

"Someday we'll make it out of here." His words were probably of little comfort to her. After all, he was only seven. For all he knew, they could die tomorrow. His eyes caught the fences of Liberio in the distance. _Penned in like cattle._ It could happen at any moment. The Marley Public Security Authorities could storm their internment camp and exterminate the remainder of the Eldians. _Send them to heaven._

"He loves us." Zeke turned to see Cassandra's fingers gripping the edge of the claw foot tub as she gingerly peeked her chin over the raised edge. "I know he does. He just wants us to be strong." **Her** words were of little comfort to **him**.

"Come on. It's time for bed." he said softly, grabbing a towel for her. He wrapped her up in the plush fabric and lifted her out of the tub. She smiled at him. Her smile was beautiful. He wished he could keep her this safe and happy all the time.

* * *

Zeke approached the Marley Public Security Authorities cautiously. He waited for a while for them to notice him, and when their conversation lagged for a bit, he spoke up.

"Um…excuse me." He did his best to sound like a nervous and frightened child as he exposed the Eldia Restorationists one by one, starting with his parents. He talked about their propaganda, their contacts, the Owl, and everything that he had been told—save for his father's plan to enlist him as a child warrior for Marley and his Fritz bloodline. Grisha and Dina had told him and Cassandra over and over again how important it was to keep their, and their mother's, royal bloodline a secret. They had the ability to control the Founding Titan and that was of value to Marley. Of course, such an awesome power would not be given to the children or wife of an Eldia Restorationist. They would force Dina and Cassandra to spend their lives having children—child warriors for Marley that could be groomed into the role. The thought had kept Zeke up at night. He would sit by his sister's bed and watch her sleep, afraid that a momentary lapse in attention would be the difference between Cassandra's safety and her death. No, he would not make his father's mistakes. He would not trust the wellbeing of the most precious person to him to the Marleyan government. He would not trust it to anyone but himself.

"You did the right thing." an officer reassured Zeke. He looked up at the tall, well-built man. The pronounced features of his face made it difficult to read his emotions. He seemed to accept the bloodshed in front of him with indifference. Not joy, not righteousness, not disgust, not pain, but rather if it were just another insignificant event in his day. The officer began walking away and Zeke kept his eyes glued to his back. Tufts of grey mixed with his short inky black hair. He was getting old.

"I want to be a warrior for Marley!" Zeke suddenly called out. It was an ill thought out plan, but a plan nonetheless. The soldier stopped in his tracks and glanced at him over his shoulder.

"Is that so?" the soldier asked. "What's your name?"

"Zeke Yeager." A hint of a smile tugged at the officer's lips.

"Well, Zeke Yeager, I am Officer Eren Kruger."

* * *

 _Year 839:_

* * *

"You need to rest."

"No! I can keep going!" Cassandra insisted, standing up and wiping the blood from her cut lip. She went on the offensive, throwing punches and kicks at Zeke. He dodged each one effortlessly and retaliated. She was getting faster. Stronger. Their sparring matches lasted longer now. She still leaned back to avoid incoming attacks, but it was different now. It had just clicked with her one day: she was flexible and that was her advantage—her niche. When Zeke had kicked her legs out from underneath her that day, she had gone with it, throwing back her locked arms until she was staring up at him in a handstand, and snapping her legs back onto the floor. He had fallen for the same trap today. Ferocity burned in her eyes as she lunged from her position on all fours, while Zeke was still on one leg, and brought him crashing to the ground. He was proud. At only twelve years old, she was a better warrior than most of the kids he trained with.

"Now we're really done." Zeke joked. Cassandra laughed and stood, helping him up as well. He smiled down at her, taking a lock of her silky, long black hair into his hand. Their differences were funny to him. Zeke had received their father's tall, muscular build, but his mother's pale blonde hair. Cassandra had received their mother's short, petite build, but their father's straight, black hair. They both had their father's green eyes, but Cassandra's were more beautiful and vibrant. He frowned. _Thirteen years._ He would have just thirteen years to live after inheriting the Beast Titan. He was the favorite. He was the 'boy wonder.' Of course, it would go to him. It was necessary for his plan. But thirteen years was too short to ensure Cassandra's permanent safety.

"What's wrong?" she asked him, noticing the concern on his face.

"I need a favor from you, Cassandra." he said.

"Anything!" She grabbed his hand in hers. It brought a smile to his face. She was fiercely loyal, ready to lay down her life at a moment's notice for her objectives. It worried Zeke. Their father had beaten obedience into them. And, sure, he would occasionally hold Cassandra close and tell her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to keep her safe from all the monsters in the world, but it mattered very little to Zeke. Cassandra may have insisted that their father was a loving and kind man, but he was not so brainwashed and easily led astray by pretty words and small gestures of kindness intermittently dispersed into a lifetime of cruelty.

"Let me show you heaven."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Ahh! Chapter two is finally done! Thank you to Miouhaneun and sasukesbigtoe for your reviews! I super appreciate them. So, I think I'm going to stick pretty close to the canon for the most part in this, but with a _slight_ change. I'll let you speculate on what that change might be. It won't be relevant for a while, though.

Miouhaneun - Yes! I agree, its really hard to introduce OCs into a plot in general, but the additional complexity of familial relations with canon characters is a tough hurdle to overcome. I figured there was enough ambiguity about Zeke's past that it might work, but I'll be honest: I'm shooting in the dark, haha. Thanks for taking the time and I hope you enjoy it!

sasukesbigtoe - Poor Erwin really doesn't get that much love, does he? He's such a good guy. Well, here's one for the count. Thanks for your review and I hope you enjoy it! Super appreciate you guys 3

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

 _Year 842:_

* * *

The heel of Cassandra's boot tapped rapidly against the wooden floor of her office. _Description of Encounter._ She read the title of the line on her expedition report again and again, trying to figure out exactly how she should word her recollection of events. She couldn't be honest. She wished she had copies of her old reports so she could pull sentences from each of them, putting in just enough effort to seem convincing. She had learned that lesson the hard way. Squad Leader Hange Zoe was in charge of reviewing expedition reports and compiling their data. If Cassandra's responses were not satisfactory in their level of detail, Hange would march down to her office and insist on an extensive interview.

Cassandra closed her eyes and sighed, leaning into the chair until her head hung back. She played the events in her head and returned to the report, grabbing a pen to describe them in perilous detail. _Encountered titan posing direct threat to Squad Leader Erwin Smith._ She paused here, softly sucking on her bottom lip. She ran her teeth across the flesh until it popped out from between her incisors, returning to its plump shape with a hint of redness. The report had been truthful up to this point. Now, she had to choose her words extremely carefully. It had been terrifying watching that titan reach for Erwin. She was forced to jump into the beast's hand—driven by pure adrenaline-fueled fear. Fear of losing Erwin. And though she had managed to keep her composure on the battle field, it was painstakingly difficult. The brief moment between the swings of her blade, in which she had caught a glimpse of Erwin's wide open, ocean eyes, had washed her with relief—cleansed her of her anxiety. He was okay.

Her eyes softened at the memory of him scolding her, pressing her to consider her own safety. The corners of her mouth hinted at a smile. A hint gone so quickly that no one would have caught the ghostly thing. _Engaged with titan extremity (left hand) prior to nape due to extenuating circumstances. Squad Leader Erwin Smith was rendered immobile at the moment of engagement._ She ran her eyes across the two sentences over and over again, wondering if her admiration for her squad leader had somehow slipped into the words by mistake. A wave of goosebumps spread across her body, starting from her legs and traveling up to her shoulders. The tingling finally ended in her cheeks, heating them and flushing her slightly tanned complexion with a soft pink. It happened every time she thought about how much she cared about Erwin—how much she liked him.

Erwin had taken Cassandra under his wing from her first day in the Survey Corps. He had high standards for his squad and he wanted to make sure she met them. Her valedictorian status at the Training Corps had certainly caught his attention, but he had told her he needed to be sure. She was used to this. It was standard. She demonstrated her skills to Erwin, particularly impressing him with her hand-to-hand combat abilities. She could still see the dumbfounded look on his face when she ended up on top of him. Just moments before, he had confidently kicked out her feet from under her. He was sure that this tiny girl, whose crown only reached his shoulders when she stood on the absolute tips of her toes, would fall by his hand—or foot—but her flexibility and agility had proved to be his undoing. _I guess you killed me._ He had playfully remarked, motioning to the wooden knife that they had been grappling with. It had been pushed against his throat forcefully. Cassandra remained as intentionally speechless as ever, releasing her arm from under his hooked leg and tossing the knife on the soft grass of the training field.

Perhaps the only moment more surprising than her physical victory over Erwin, a man much larger than her not only in height, but in muscle mass as well, was his revelation of his motives. _Your reflexes are sharp. You'll be just fine on an expedition. Hang back for the first few encounters and watch veteran soldiers take down titans. I wouldn't want a soldier with so much promise to end up in the jaws of a titan before she has an opportunity to realize her potential._ Erwin had labeled her as someone with potential—someone who had the ability to become an elite warrior. She had never been told that before. To her father, you either were or you weren't. Any other conversation was a pointless one to have. This was the first that Cassandra had heard of her potential. The fact that she was currently dispensable had hardly even bothered her. All she could focus on was her potential—she wanted to prove Erwin right. She wanted to meet and exceed his expectations. She had saluted, silent and emotionless. She had never dedicated her heart to humanity. That salute meant nothing to her until that day—until she had decided to dedicate herself to him.

It wasn't fair. It was a spell—witchcraft of sorts. Cassandra felt pain, pleasure, tranquility, and anxiety pass through her in quick, sharp impressions. Sometimes she would feel them all at once. She loved watching him. Every inch of him was perfection that her eyes hungrily swallowed in the short glimpses she would steal. The pain would creep in immediately after they left him, pounding against her for more. She ached. When a few dozen repetitions of her addiction would begin to soothe her, providing her with a scarce, precious relief, the anxiety would settle into the small absence in her craving. Would people notice? Would **he** notice? Was it obvious? Was **she** obvious?

Fear would finally appear. _What if he doesn't think of you the same way?_ It would drape around her like an old friend, promising to keep her safe. _What if you're just his subordinate?_ It appealed to her. She was a careful creature. She would listen to the whispered extrapolations of her worst-case scenarios, nodding and agreeing with Fear. _What if you find out he's a liar and he breaks your heart?_ It was right. She needed to protect herself. It would hold out its arms to her and she would retreat into its embrace, letting it harden around her like diamond. _What if he finds out **you're** a liar and **you** break **his** heart?_ Cassandra was scared.

* * *

 _Year 839:_

* * *

Zeke's pale green eyes stared off into the distance. The slow, steady tapping of his pen served as a metronome for his thoughts. He paced them, planning out his remaining days. _Thirteen years._ The world around him slowed. The voices in the war room were distant hums. _Thirteen years._ The pen twirled over his hand again. He caught it with his index and thumb, tapping the point against the desk, leaving a small blue spot of ink behind.

"Zeke?" He looked over at the man who called his name—Theo Magath, the commander of the Eldian unit of the Marley military and chief overseer of the child warriors. "You had something for us?"

"Yes." Zeke gently pushed up his round glasses until the metal bridge met his nose. "Sending warriors to Paradis may not prove to be as fruitful as we hope without further information on how the Eldians are living."

"What do you mean?" General Calvi asked, absentmindedly fiddling with the medals that hung off the left chest of his jacket.

"Specifically? We need to know what their military capabilities are and what the general political climate is like. My concern is that our warriors will arrive ill-equipped to deal with the unique challenges of Paradis Island and waste precious time that we do not have."

"We have thirteen years." General Calvi stressed.

"Thirteen years is the blink of an eye in times of war and conflict. Time is not our ally in this fight." Zeke contested.

"What do you suggest?" Theo chimed in. Zeke glanced between the two men. He hated the impossible situation he had been forced into.

"I suggest sending a spy to infiltrate in a non-combative role." He waited for the impact of his proposal to be fully absorbed by the high-ranking officials.

"We're hardly equipped for espionage." General Calvi whispered to Theo.

"Do you have someone in mind, Zeke?" Theo asked, knowing his captain all too well.

"Cassandra Yeager, my sister."

"Your sister?" the general asked with a near scoff. "She's hardly a warrior."

"She has no need to be a warrior. As I said, this is a non-combative role." He contained his anger and glanced down at his pen, twirling it between his fingers as he continued. "She has the correct temperament for it. She is able to build relationships and trust with people quickly. A small, petite woman would hardly draw any attention. Most importantly…" He turned his gaze up to the two men. "…she is fiercely loyal to me and would never betray our cause." A pregnant pause filled the room.

"How do you plan on communicating with her while she's on the island?" Theo inquired.

"I've been training homing owls. They can travel vast distances in relatively short periods of time, and high enough that they go unnoticed by those not specifically looking for them. We can communicate through letters." The men thought for a moment. A soft chuckle left General Calvi's creased lips.

"You would send your only sister to an island of monsters for Marley? You would risk her life for information?" he asked.

"Of course." There was no hesitation in Zeke's response.

"Your loyalty never ceases to amaze me, War Chief." Zeke internally cringed at the nickname. It made him sound barbaric. "How soon will she be ready to deploy?"

"As soon as you command it." he answered.

"In one week, then." the general ordered, gathering his papers and standing from his chair. Theo and Zeke followed his lead, standing at attention as he took his leave. This was the best way to protect her. He was sure of it.

* * *

"Will you show me another one, grandpa?" Cassandra's sweet voice called out as she handed a thick book to their grandfather. Zeke observed her with a smile.

"O? You already finished it?" their grandfather asked, astonished by her reading speed.

"Days ago!" Cassandra replied in a humble brag.

"Alright, alright. Hold on." the aging man said with a small laugh, digging through his extensive collection of literature. "Have we read about dragons, yet?" Cassandra stared back at him with large doe eyes, shaking her head. "Then why don't we start with this one." She held out her hands for the book, sinking a bit when its weight transferred to solely her arms. She carried it to the dining room table and flipped it open.

"Cassandra, come talk to me for a moment before you start reading." Zeke called out to her. She glanced hesitantly between the book and her brother, trying to decide between her two loves.

"O…okay." she finally responded, shutting the heavy cover and following him up to their room. "What's going on?"

"I talked to the commander and general today. You'll be leaving for Paradis in one week." He observed her closely. She nodded, trying to hold back the disappointment she must have been feeling at that moment. Zeke hugged her. "I know. It won't be easy for me either, but that's the safest place for you to be. I'm sure of it." Zeke may have been a boy wonder, but he was no god. If Cassandra stayed here, she could be drafted into a war, her bloodline could be discovered, or she could just be the victim of some sadistic officer. Zeke was not his father. He would not allow it.

"I trust you." She didn't need to say it. It was implicit. She needed no justification from him. She only needed orders.

"Can you finish that book before you leave?" he asked jokingly. "You won't be able to take it with you." She looked up at him and smiled, giving him a cute nod of her head. "Good."

* * *

Cassandra's arms tightened around Zeke's waist at the sound of movement nearby

"It's just an animal." He assured her. The pitch-black night had played tricks on her. Even as the first rays of sunlight began to spill into the sky, she worried they could be attacked by a titan. "We're here." He stopped the horse, dismounting it and helping her down. Cassandra took the moment to stare up at the massive wall in front of them.

"They're living in walls?" she asked, craning her head back to see the top.

"Doesn't seem that different from Liberio." Zeke grumbled, whistling to call down the large horned owl that had been following them. It landed on his arm gracefully, digging its talons into the thick leather of Zeke's glove. "Take off the carrier tube on his leg and hide it somewhere on your person. Some place no one will find it." Cassandra quickly obeyed, unbinding the straps around the owl's leg. She went to place it in her pocket but stopped. "Some place no one will find it." Zeke cautioned again. She shoved her hand down the front of her shirt, fumbling with her bra until she had secured it under her breasts. He nodded and released the owl, letting him settle high into the branches of a tree. "What did you name him again?"

"Hal." Cassandra reminded.

"Hal…why does that sound familiar?"

"He's a character in one of the books grandpa gave me. He's a war chief." Cassandra smiled at her brother, clearly alluding to his title. It was sweet—a piece of home when they were miles away. Zeke pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes." He grabbed a small branch from the ground and looked back at his precious little sister. His nostrils momentarily flared as a frustrated breath left them. "I'll be okay." she assured, pulled her bangs back and closing her eyes. It still made him uncomfortable. Zeke reared his arm back and slammed the broken, jagged edge of the branch against her forehead, above her left eye. Pieces of the wood splinted on impact. A soft whimper left her. He knew she had been holding back. The blood dripped in three lines, joining together at her eyebrow and evading her eye. He stopped himself from wiping it when it reached her cheek. It needed to look serious. She blinked a few times, standing up straight and taking a few steps.

"Are you losing consciousness?"

"I don't think so." she whispered. "No, I'm fine." A deep sigh of relief passed through his lips.

"Good." The chirping of the birds reminded them of their closing time together. "The sun is almost up. Hal will follow you into the wall once you're taken in." He could see the sudden anxiety on her face. "You know what to do right?" She nodded.

"Invisible ink only."

"Good girl." Zeke planted a kiss on her forehead. "Go." She ran to the wall, turning to glance at him once over her shoulder. He nodded with a forced smile, encouraging her to keep going. He wanted nothing more than to tell her to come back. She was his only light in this dark, cruel world. The thought of living out his last decade and a half without her filled him with a sorrow he had never felt before. But she would be safe this way. That was all that mattered. He watched her from a distance. She ripped her shirt and skirt, and laid down, barefoot and bleeding, pretending to be unconscious. Zeke stayed hidden until he heard a bell ring. The gate opened. An older looking soldier stepped out with a small group in tow behind him. They stopped when they noticed the unconscious girl, discussing her amongst themselves. The older soldier, presumably the leader, stepped down from his horse and gently lifted Cassandra into his arms. They retreated back into the walls. Zeke waited another few moments, praying for Cassandra's safety before returning to the edge of the island where the military naval fleet awaited him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I'm getting back into the groove of writing! Enjoy chapter 3 and let me know what you guys think in the reviews!

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

Cassandra stared at the bowl of soup set in front of her.

"What's your name?" the man started, taking a seat across from her. A single white flower in a thing glass vase stood between them on the circular table. She gingerly glanced over it, meeting his brooding eyes. The wrinkles across his forehead deepened as she hesitated to answer him. "You're not in any trouble." he assured. His voice was deep and intimidating, fitting for such a statuesque man. Until him, Zeke had been the tallest man she knew. This man looked to be a head taller than even her brother. She examined the dark circles around his eyes, the crow's feet that had begun to form. What had this man experienced to put such a troubled look on his face? He rubbed the stubble on his chin. "Well, you should at least eat." He stood with a soft sigh, unintentionally towering over her. His face softened when he saw her wide eyes looking up at his massive stature in bewilderment. He turned, exposing the back of his tan jacket. Cassandra tilted her head and examined the emblem. A pair of wings, one white and one blue. Her curiosity was peeked.

"Why do you have wings on your jacket?" It was the first thing she had said to anyone within the walls. He glanced over his shoulder, perplexed by her question.

"You don't recognize this emblem?" he asked. She shook her head. "These are the Wings of Freedom, the emblem of the Survey Corps."

"Survey Corps?" She tilted her head the other way, examining the rest of his uniform.

"It's a branch of the military…." He walked back over to her, kneeling down in front of her chair, and she flinched when he reached for the cut on her forehead. "Don't worry." He gently pushed back her bangs. He had a soft touch for such a large man. Even in the rough calluses of his hands, there was a tenderness. "Do you remember anything?"

"Cassandra."

"Cassandra?"

"My name is Cassandra."

"Do you have a last name?"

"I don't remember."

"How did you get outside of the wall, Cassandra?"

"I don't remember."

"Where are your parents?"

"I don't remember."

"Do you remember their names?"

"No."

"Do you remember where you live?"

"No." He opened his mouth to ask another question but stopped.

"You should eat and rest. I'm going to call a friend of mine. He's a doctor. He can help."

"Okay." The man stood and Cassandra gently reached for the sleeve of his jacket, stopping him. "What's your name?"

"My name is Keith."

"And you're a soldier in the Survey Corps?"

"I'm the commander of the Survey Corps." he corrected with a small smile. It hinted a confidence.

"How many commanders are there?" She was infinitely curious about their world.

"Three."

"Only three?"

"That's right."

"Who are the other two?"

"There is Commander Dot PIxis of the Garrison."

"What do they do?"

"They maintain and protect the walls, along with the people in them."

"And the third?" Keith took a seat, sure that her relentless line of questioning would last a while.

"The third is Commander Nile Dok of the Military Police Brigade. They protect the royal family and the citizens of the inner most wall."

"There's more than one wall?" He was surprised. She really must have suffered a great deal of memory loss. Everyone knew about the three walls.

"There are three main walls and smaller districts scattered along them, enclosed in offshoots of the great walls. Right now, we're in a district known as Shiganshina. We're on the southern edge of the outer most wall—Wall Maria. The next wall is Wall Rose, and the inner most wall is Wall Sheena."

"Wall Sheena is where the royal family lives?" Cassandra tapped her chin in thought.

"That's right."

"Can you teach me more?" she asked.

"Yea…of course. After you rest and eat." Keith pushed the bowl toward her. Cassandra nodded, taking the spoon and slowly slurping down the warm liquid. She caught a faint smile on Keith's face before he stood again and left her alone. He was a kind man.

* * *

Cassandra pushed her ear to the door, trying to eavesdrop on the conversation Keith was having with the doctor. _Wall…outside…memory…._ It was useless. She couldn't make out more than a few words. She scuffed her foot across the hardwood floor of the small apartment and took a seat on the couch. The door opened and Keith poked his head in.

"Are you ready?" he asked. She nodded. There was nothing this doctor could do for her. She had no memory loss. She was just a liar. "Come in, Grisha." Cassandra's brow furrowed slightly, just for a brief second before relaxing again. She was sure she had misheard Keith. She waited for the doctor to appear, her breath caught in her throat. Her face turned pale. Her eyes widened. The doctor had a similar reaction, one that did not go unnoticed by Keith. "Is everything okay?"

"Y-yea…give me a minute to examine her, Keith. I'll let you know when I'm done." the doctor replied, patting Keith's shoulder.

"Alright…." Keith glanced over at Cassandra. "I'll be right outside. Let me know if you need anything." He hesitated for a moment before leaving. The pair left alone in the room waited until footsteps could be heard fading down the hall. Grisha turned with every intent to run to his daughter, but she had beaten him to it. She threw her arms around his neck and cried into his neck.

"How is this possible? How are you alive? We were told you were sent to heaven! We thought you had been killed or turned into a pure titan!" Cassandra blurted out in muffled whispers.

"What are you doing here?!" Grisha demanded, refusing to release the girl from his tight embrace. Cassandra could feel his tears against the top of her head.

"Zeke sent me!" She pulled away when she felt her father stiffen. His surprise turned to anger and she quickly grabbed his face, wiping away his tears with her thumbs. "No, you don't understand. He's still loyal to the cause. He only turned you in because the Marley Public Security Authorities were closing in on the Eldia Restorationists! He sent me here to gather information for him. He's still following through with your plan. He became a warrior for Marley and he's the favorite to receive the Beast Titan." Grisha's head spun from the sudden influx of information. He shook his head and grabbed Cassandra's shoulders.

"He shouldn't have sent you here, it's not safe!"

"He sent me here to keep me safe!" Cassandra defended. "Marley is escalating tensions with other nations. Zeke was worried that another draft may be coming. He didn't want me caught up in it. …he didn't want me to end up like Aunt Faye…." There was a sorrow in her father's eyes that she was not familiar with. She could not imagine the pain of losing Zeke. It would destroy her. How her father had managed to keep going was a mystery to her. Cassandra slipped her left shoulder out of the neck hole of her shirt, stretching it to reveal the top of her breast. Grisha ran his thumb across the light scar shaped as an X on her otherwise unmarred skin. "I'm still loyal to you, too." He smiled. "I came here with a homing owl. I'm going to write messages to Zeke and send him information so that he can use it for our cause." A sudden thought occurred to her. "Is mom alive, too?" A hopeful smile touched her lips, instantly corrected by the hardened look on her father's face.

"She was turned into a pure titan." It was terrifying. Her mother was out there, somewhere beyond these walls, alone, scared, cold. It wasn't fair. Her father had to have been suffering in the same way.

"How did you survive?" she inquired.

"The Owl was an officer—Eren Kruger."

"That's…that was the name of the man who recruited Zeke. We never saw him again after that first encounter."

"That's because he had the Attack Titan. He passed it to me. That's how I was able to make it to the wall. Keith found me outside as well, and I also pretended to lose my memory." He gave her a weak smile. Cassandra hugged him again.

"You don't have to be alone anymore, father. I'm here now. I can come live with you. I can help you." There was a heavy pause between them.

"Cassandra…I can't take you home."

"What?" She pulled away and examined him, sure she had misheard again.

"No one can know we're related." he explained.

"I see…because it would raise too many red flags? Keith found both of us outside of the wall. It would seem too suspicious! Then, maybe you can just say you're taking me in to help me recover!" She smiled, hoping her revised plan would suit his needs. A pained look covered his face and he averted his gaze from her.

"You don't understand. I have a wife. We have a four-year-old son together." The words cut her like a knife. It was a betrayal. It had only been seven years since Cassandra had seen him wrap his arms around her mother and kiss her. In those seven years he had been separated from his children, ripped from his home, seen his wife turned into a titan, and it had taken him, all things considered, less than two years to find a new woman and impregnate her? Cassandra thought the pain would kill her in that moment. It was unbearable.

"But…mom's not dead." she whispered. Tears began to spill from her eyes.

"I still want to see you. As often as we can see each other." Cassandra kept her eyes focused on the ground, unable to bear the sight of her father.

"Won't your wife ask questions?"

"We won't meet at my house. We'll meet in town somewhere. Somewhere discrete." He gently wiped her tears, tilting her face up toward him. She refused to let her eyes follow. The pain penetrated her too deeply, eating away her relief, her happiness, and anything else that she had felt upon initially seeing him.

"Okay…." she squeaked out, still unable to resist her father's dominance over her. She didn't want to be his secret. She wanted to be his daughter. She missed Zeke. He was never ashamed of her. He never hesitated to wrap her up in his arms, even in public. His love for her was unapologetic. She just wanted the same from her father.

"You always were the most reasonable little girl." Grisha cooed, kissing her forehead. "We'll meet again soon. I swear." _Reasonable…._ So, this was reasonable. She wasn't aware. She had only her childhood to draw from as reference. Maybe it was different in the real world. Maybe she shouldn't have expected so much from her father. It hurt to think about, but maybe she **was** unreasonable. She sat in silence with an apathetic look on her face as Grisha cleaned and bandaged the wound on her forehead. He told her how much he loved her and how happy he was to see her again, but none of it seemed to reach past her ears. She had never felt so empty before, and it showed. She was devoid of emotion. There was no worried crease along her forehead, no gentle furrow of her brows on the bridge of her nose, no dimples in her cheeks from a smile. _Be reasonable._ A voice whispered to her. She remembered it. _You'll lose him again if you push too hard._ It said again. Cassandra began to recognize it as Fear. It had visited her when she was younger—when she thought she would never live up to her father's expectations. It had whispered to her in the darkness of night. After the capture of their parents, Zeke had banished her fear back into the shadows, but it seemed to know that he was no longer around to protect her—no one was. So, it stalked out from under the umbra, offering her its company once more. Cassandra gladly obliged it. It was her only friend in this unfamiliar place. A soft knock on the door interrupted her father.

"Is everything okay?" Keith asked, poking his head in.

"Yes, she's perfectly healthy. There's not a lot I can do for the memory loss, but physically, she's fine." he smiled at Cassandra, begging her with his eyes to corroborate his story.

"Yes. I don't remember anything." she said in a monotone voice.

"I need to head home. Carla's been watching Eren all day. I'm sure she could use a break." Grisha said, patting Keith's shoulder. "It was nice to meet you, Cassandra." _Carla... His wife's name is Carla. His son is Eren._ The names should have bothered her, but they didn't. She supposed it was difficult to pain an already broken heart. She remained silent until he left, sitting upright on the couch.

"Where should I go?" she asked Keith in a soft tone. Her voice cracked.

"What do you mean?" Cassandra took fistfuls of her skirt, tightening her hands until her knuckles turned white.

"I don't have a home. Where should I go? Is there a shelter?" She glanced up at him, surprised by the way he was looking at her, as if he still didn't understand her question.

"You can stay here." he offered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can't inconvenience you like that." she replied, refusing his kind gesture.

"I'm not home most days. It would help me to have someone around to take care of the apartment. Can you clean?" Cassandra nodded. "Then you're welcome to stay here."

"Thank you…." she mumbled. Something resembling happiness bubbled up inside of her. It was a weak, dim feeling, but one that remained with her, filling just a tiny bit of the emptiness inside of her.

"I have business in Wall Rose. I'll be back tomorrow morning." Keith said, placing his hand on her head. "You've had a long day. You deserve some rest. Sleep well, Cassandra." Comfort. That's what she felt. She watched Keith leave, and opened the window of his apartment, leaning out to whistle. The large owl flew through the opening, landing on the circular table. Its large talons clacked against the wood as he hooted at her. She smiled at Hal, hugging the warm creature. It gently nipped at her ear and hair as a show of returned affection.

"Are you ready to fly back, Hal? I have so much to tell Zeke." She fished out the tube from her shirt and attached it to Hal's leg, preparing two letters. One that would be kept by Marley's intelligence agency, and the other—a blank page—that would be kept by Zeke. Only he would be able to recognize the invisible ink and read it. To everyone else, it would just be a useless piece of paper. She wrote out the two letters, sending them off with Hal. _Wings of Freedom…._ So, Eldians on this island were no different than Eldians in Marley. They were both trapped behind walls. They both longed to fly free.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Yay! Chapter 4! I love when I'm in a writing mood. The semester is almost over. I've got a 4.0. Life is good. Let's do this thing! A big, big thank you to Empryexl and Miouhaneun for the reviews!

Empryexl - I haven't actually read that many fanfics that even mention Zeke. Are they really painting him as a psycho? I feel like he's so trying to do the right thing all the time, haha. I've always seen him as an altruist. Kind of like what Armin mentions in one of the chapters of AOT, there are people who act with complete disregards for themselves for the sake of the greater good, even if it means they end up being monsters by the end of it. I feel like Zeke's totally in that camp (just like Erwin-oooo similarities). Yea, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm 100% not prepared for that shitshow. Ya'll might have to provide some emotional support to me as I'm writing it.

Miouhaneun - Ah! The Hal reference isn't a real one, but it might feel familiar because the same studio that put out AOT in 2013 put out a movie called Hal (also in 2013). Totally recommend that movie, by the way. It was super cute. I just liked the name Hal and it sounded like it would be a good fit for an owl. Or you might be thinking of the hero Helos in Marleyean legend because I just did that to myself while trying to figure out where I came up with Hal, lol! I really like Zeke, too. Literally breaks my heart every time I think about how limited his time is. Bleeeh don't go, Zeke. Be awesome forever.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

 _Dearest Brother,_

 _I miss you terribly. I have so much to tell you. I outlined all of my discoveries of this place in my official letter, but I have even more to say in this one._

 _Father is alive. It's really him and he's really alive. He has the Attack Titan. It was given to him by Eren Kruger, who was the Owl. Mom isn't with him, though. She was turned into a pure titan. Maybe I can find her. Maybe there's a way to save her. Father's different. He's not the man that we knew. He found some woman named Carla, less than two years after losing mom. He has a four-year-old son named Eren. I asked to stay with him, and he said I had to be kept a secret. He's hiding me. I want to forgive him. I want to believe…. I don't know what to believe. He's just different. I'm going to keep meeting with him. I missed him so much. Maybe he thought we were dead, too._

 _He loves us. I know he does._

 _The man who took me in is kind. I want to learn more about the Survey Corps from him. I'll write you as soon as I know more. I love you. Stay safe._

 _With love,_

 _Cassandra Yeager_

* * *

"Which flowers are traditional?" Cassandra asked, eyeing the colorful field.

"The white ones." Beth reminded her with a giggle. Cassandra nodded, adjusting her floppy straw hat. Her white, strapless dress rippled delicately in the wind as she picked a handful of flowers. "All done?" Beth asked, holding her own makeshift bouquet.

"Yea." The sound of a bell filled the air.

"We better go before we miss them!" Beth hooked her arm with Cassandra's and the two twelve-year-old girls ran toward Shiganshina's gate. Their sandals clopped against the stone pavement as they maneuvered through the crowd, making their way to the front, and watching the Survey Corps trickle in. The soldiers were sullen, just as they had been the last few times that Cassandra had seen them return from an expedition. They were broken and beaten, more than just physically. "There he is!" Beth said excitedly, running off toward her father. Cassandra observed loved ones greeting each other, handing off small bouquets of handpicked white flowers. It was a sweet tradition, one that she had been made aware of rather rudely.

Cassandra remembered waiting for Keith to return from his first expedition after their encounter. She had caught a girl with short blond hair eyeing her strangely. Cassandra had ignored it, until the girl nudged her. _Don't you have any flowers?_ The blond had asked with a raised eyebrow. She had just shaken her head, unwilling to exchange words with the unpleasant thing. _You must not be waiting for anyone! But I could have sworn you were, at least by the way you keep staring at the gate._ The blond had deduced. Cassandra had told her that she **was** waiting for someone. The blond just stared back at her with mystified blue eyes. Then she had done something kind: she separated her bouquet of flowers and handed half to Cassandra. _Here, take them. Whoever you're waiting for should know that you were thinking about them while they were gone. I always bring my dad flowers._

The blond was there when Keith was preparing for his second expedition. She made her way to Cassandra upon noticing her bare hands once again. She placed a pink flower in them without asking. _It's tradition to give them a flower when they leave, too. That way, they know there's someone at home waiting for them. Someone they need to survive for._ The soldiers talked amongst each other restlessly and Cassandra expressed her concerns about the fleeting time to the blond. _You can still catch him! Hurry!_ She had taken off at full speed, reaching the front of the convoy where the commander stood. He was surprised to see her, and she felt nervous at her extremely public display of affection. The soldiers had fallen silent, and now they were all staring at her. Cassandra had adjusted her hat to cover her face and quickly approached Keith's horse, holding up the pink flower for him. He smiled down at her, taking it and securing it in the button holes of his jacket. They didn't exchange any words. They didn't need to. Cassandra ran back into the crowd, hearing a few coos about how adorable she was from the soldiers. _Wow! You're really fast!_ The blond had found her again, and Cassandra thanked her for her kindness. _O, no problem! My name's Beth. What's your name?_ It had been Beth's kind gesture that allowed the two girls to speak, but it was their shared anxiety that built their friendship. They were both helplessly waiting for someone they cared for, picking flowers in hopes that upon the return of the Survey Corps, they would have someone to hand them to.

Cassandra nervously made her way to Keith when the convoy stopped for a moment. He watched her carefully, and she placed a hand on her head to keep her hat from falling when she stared straight up at him. The two exchanged a similar glance. It was a poker face of sorts, unreadable by anyone else. She held out the flowers to him and he took them from her small hand, one corner of his mouth twitching up into a lopsided smile.

"Welcome home." She said it with such a straight face that if Keith had not known her, he would have doubted the sincerity of her words. But he had quickly learned that Cassandra was much like a cat: somehow both curious and aloof, both confident and skittish. And much like a cat, her perplexing emotions made her no less loyal or caring. He was happy to have her. It gave him something to look forward to when he returned home. The jeers of the crowd often haunted him. He was beginning to think Grisha may have been wrong in his analysis: Keith was no one special. He was not chosen. At least, that's what he thought until this tiny girl wandered into his care. Keith carefully tucked the flowers into his breast pocket, holding out his free hand to Cassandra. She took it and began walking with him to the stables.

He thought about the few months that he had shared with her. The first time she had seen him meditating, she had circled him curiously, finally taking a seat across from him. She had crossed her legs and mimicked his position and breathing, stopping every once in a while to cautiously open one eye, making sure they were still in sync. When she would find her green orbs staring into his golden ones, she would quickly close them, squeezing them shut tight. But her curiosity could not be contained. It would get the best of her, and she would carefully lift her left eyelid, peeking at him with one half closed eye. They never exchanged a word. He never gave her directions. Eventually, she learned to meditate just like him. It brought a smile to Keith's face.

She had a similar reaction when she first accompanied him to the military barracks. He left her in the library while he completed his training. She had wandered out one day and found him out in the field. She took a seat by the edge of the field, carefully observing his technique. Eventually, she gathered the confidence to occupy the post next to him. She watched his kicks and copied them exactly, with a strength that Keith had not expected from such a small girl. He expected to give her directions this time, but they were wildly unnecessary. Even in the white dress he had bought for her, she was able to keep up with his runs and follow his training. It was like she had been training for years—but that couldn't be possible. She was so young. Keith asked her where she learned her technique. She simply replied that she had picked up on it while watching him. It was hard to believe, but if she truly had learned so quickly, then she was something special. She may even have been chosen. They often trained together, of course, as usual, without a word between them.

Their relationship was not devoid of conversation. Perhaps all of the silences were made up for when Keith would teach her about their world and the scouts. It reminded him so much of his conversations with Grisha. Cassandra's questions and analyses were shockingly similar to Grisha's. He often thought they even looked a bit similar, but he knew he was just working himself up. Cassandra would hang onto every word that Keith uttered: repeating it, memorizing it. Eventually, she even began to show his mannerisms. She would watch the way he sat, the way he ate, the way he walked, and copied them precisely. Perhaps it was her way of showing admiration. She clearly thought there was something special about him, something worth mimicking. And perhaps that's all it meant to be special—to have someone else see you as such. Keith squeezed Cassandra's hand. She sped up her already quick pace, closing the distance between them. She needed to walk much faster to keep up with the strides of his long legs.

"I want to join the Survey Corps, just like you." she said to him. The brim of her hat obscured her face from his view. Not that it mattered, her face rarely changed. He wondered if this was what it was like to have a child. To watch them grow into the best version of oneself. It filled him with a pride that he had never felt before.

"You'll have to join the Training Corps first." he explained.

"I remember." she replied. "I picked up a form while you were gone."

"Did you?" She stopped, pulling against Keith's hand and forcing him to stop as well. She pulled back her hat, holding it in place again as she lifted her chin up to him.

"I need a full name to register…." He waited for her to finish the thought. "I don't remember my last name." It was a problem. Keith didn't expect what came next. "Can I use Shadis?" The surprise must have been clear to see on his face. Cassandra quickly reacted with nervousness. The minute changes in her face gave her away. Her lips parted slightly, and for a fraction of a second, her brows drew together in a concerned manner.

"You want to use my last name?"

"If…if you don't mind. I don't have to. I can think of another one." she quickly offered.

"No." he cut her off, a smile drew across his lips. "I would be honored." The wind blew, throwing Cassandra's long black hair into her face, obscuring it from Keith's view, but not before he caught her small, cute smile. It was a rare sight, but one worth waiting for.

* * *

Cassandra fiddled nervously with the pink flowers in her hand. _Pink flowers so that they'll remember they have someone who loves them._ She recited the meaning in her head over and over again, committing it to memory. She sat uncomfortably on the wooden chair. It wobbled from side to side when she shifted her weight even a little. She cursed the uneven legs. She pulled the chair into the sun again. It was too cold in the shade, but too warm in the sun. So, she was stuck alternating between the two while she waited.

"Sorry I'm late." her father's voice called out. She looked up and followed his quick movement to the opposite end of her table. He was always late. She had stopped standing after their first few meetings. It had been hurtful, to say the least, when she would reach for a hug and he would quickly brush past her, explaining that they couldn't do anything to draw suspicion to themselves. She had nodded like she understood, but she didn't. Wasn't their meeting at this tea shop suspicious enough? She watched him order green tea for himself and black tea for her. "It's your favorite, right?" he asked with a smile. She forced a smile and nodded. It wasn't. Green tea with jasmine pearls and a spoonful of honey was her favorite. Her mom would always make it for her when she was sick. Zeke knew that. Why didn't her father?

"I brought you flowers." she said, filling the lull in their conversation. Not that there was often conversation. He had asked her everything he wanted to know during their first two meetings. Every meeting after that dragged on with tense moments of silence and awkward banter. It made her realize how little they truly knew about each other.

"That's very sweet of you." Grisha smiled and took them from her. "These are beautiful."

"My friend Beth told me that she gives these pink flowers to her father before every expedition. She wants him to remember that he has someone who loves him." Cassandra watched him, hoping for some reaction that she could read. Anything that she could twist as confirmation of his undying love for her. He obliged her, stroking her cheek for a brief moment. She indulged herself for that brief moment, closing her eyes and sinking into his touch. She had missed his affection. She smiled, genuinely this time, exposing the dimples in her cheeks that only appeared when her smile was wide enough. They drank their tea in silence, Grisha, as usual, finishing well in advance of her. He paid and stood to take his leave. "When can I see you again?" she asked quickly.

"In two weeks." he replied hurriedly.

"O, I might—" She never had the opportunity to tell him that she might be in training by then. Something possessed Cassandra to follow him this time. She just wanted to see where he lived, in case she couldn't meet him then. What if she needed to reach him? She didn't want to trouble him with it. She would just quietly follow him and retain the information, just in case.

It was a mistake. She shouldn't have done it. It was devastating to stand outside of his open kitchen window and watch him pull another woman into his embrace. She asked him about the flowers, and he explained that they were beautiful, just like her, so he had to have them. Cassandra turned away, making her way back to Keith's apartment, fighting back the tears. When she was far enough away, she began to rationalize his actions away. He was a busy man. He couldn't stay with her forever. He was a doctor. He needed to get back home to his wife and say those things to her so she wouldn't be suspicious. That's all. Those flowers were still a token of his daughter's love. _He loves us. I know he does._

"Cassandra, come here for a moment." Keith called as soon as she returned. She followed his voice to the dining room, sitting down next to him and glancing at the paperwork scattered in front of him. "I turned in your forms today. Your training will start in a month." One month. She could see him once again.

"You turned them in for me? I could have done it." she responded, curiously tilting her head at him.

"It was no trouble." he said with a fleeting smile, patting her head. "I made sure they knew the name Shadis was no coincidence. You shouldn't have any trouble once you enlist." It was a sweet gesture. She wondered what he had told them—how he had explained their relation. Cassandra slipped away to her room, waiting until she heard Keith finally retreat into his for the night. She opened her dresser, fishing out the blank piece of paper that had safely been tucked between her clothes. She snuck out of her room to the fading fireplace. It was still hot, but the flames had died down considerably. It was perfect. Cassandra held the paper over the heat, exposing the hidden lettering. She hadn't had a chance to read it with how often he had been home lately. She had barely managed to slip the carrier off of Hal before Keith had walked in the other day. She had lied, explaining that she found the owl outside, and it had followed her home. She had asked to keep him, and he had surprisingly agreed—stating that she needed a companion at home with her. She could hear Keith snoring in the other room. She didn't bother to hide the letter, but instead, sat in front of the fireplace and read it.

* * *

 _Dearest Cassandra,_

 _I'm glad you've been taken in by a kind man. Was it the same one who found you? I am interested to learn more about the Survey Corps as well. We had never considered that they would wander outside of the walls and engage with the titans._

 _The news of our father is surprising as well. Don't be fooled, Cassandra. He is as detestable a man as he has always been. I warn you, separate yourself from him. He will bring you nothing but pain. He must have named his new son after the Owl. Let him train his new warrior. He has no further need for us, and we have no further use for him._

 _I know you love him deeply, Cassandra. I know you don't see him as the monster I do, but I swear I would never lie to you. I love you. I wish I could protect you from him. If you do one thing for me, do this: leave him before he hurts you again. I don't want you to experience it, how he treats those he has little use for._

 _If you plan on trying to find mother, put it out of your head. There is no saving her. She's gone. What remains is an unthinking, unfeeling beast who hungers for flesh._

 _Take care of yourself, Cassandra. Do not be led astray from your mission. I sent you to Paradis to keep you safe. Do not fall into these old traps and risk your life. It is the only thing I hold dear._

 _With love,_

 _Zeke Yeager_

* * *

She hugged the letter to her chest. Tear drops had already begun to stain it as she read. She glanced at the dining room table, still stacked with her confirmed military forms. It occurred to her then that in the few short months that she had known Keith, he had been more of a father to her than Grisha ever had. Maybe Zeke was right, maybe all of their father's words had been just that…words. He had never showed them how much he loved them. Maybe they **had** just been a means to an end.

* * *

Cassandra watched the man sitting in their usual spot. He looked around, returning to his menu when he found nothing. He looked so sad. She wanted to comfort him. She had come just to see if he would—at least, that's what she had told herself. She had written to Zeke again, promising to heed his warning. She was loyal to her brother, and though she had never been forced to take a side, she realized now that she was loyal to him even above their father. She placed her hand over the scar on her chest. It hurt to leave him there, sitting alone, but she had made a promise to her brother, and her promise to Zeke was absolute. She turned away from the scene and left, returning to her new home.

* * *

"What should I call you?" Cassandra broke the usual silence of their dinner.

"Hm?" Keith set down his spoon and looked up at her.

"If someone asks me what I am to you…what should I say?" she clarified. She could see the wheels in his head turning. She thought about all of the times he had held her hand in public. How often he had lifted her up onto his horse upon his return and let her ride it to the stables as he served as a guide. How often he had patted her head or gently put his hand on her small shoulder. He had even let her cling to his leg from time to time when she was especially nervous. "I suppose it wouldn't be too far of a stretch to call you my father." she offered. She didn't look up at him, too anxious to meet his gaze. She hesitated before her next sentence, sucking on her bottom lip as she did when she was feeling particularly self-conscious. "…if I had a father…I would want one like you." It broke her heart to speak those words, but only momentarily. The pain was soon lifted by the gentle touch of Keith's massive hand. It landed on top of hers softly, and their eyes met. He was smiling, not the strained lopsided smile that he often did, but really smiling.

"I would be proud to have a daughter like you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Hey guys! Here's chapter 5! I'm trying to figure out the correct pacing for this fanfic, but I'd like to get your input on it. Do you guys like having a slow build up to things where everything is explained, or do you like jumping right into it? Or is there like a sweet spot in the middle? Thanks to Empryexl, Miouhaneun, and Ifsomethingchanged for your reviews 3 Love you guys!

Empryexl - Ahh see you totally weren't stretching with the Keith/Cassandra father/daughter relationship. T'was the plan all along! Yea, agreed. The Yeager family needs some hardcore counseling. Maybe all this could be avoided if Grisha went into clinical psychology instead of internal medicine.

Miouhaneun - I'm so glad you like it so far! I'm not gonna lie; was totally nervous for your review. I'm a pretty big Stephen King fan, too! Even though It totally traumatized me; both the book and the movie. I'm still totally gonna watch part 2 when it hits theaters, though. I'm really excited to read Elevation, and I need to watch Castle Rock. Bleh, there's just so much good stuff out.

Ifsomethingchanged - Thank you! I super appreciate that. I'll totally need it. This is turning out to be a more challenging story to tell than I initially thought, so it's good to hear that I'm doing the characters _some_ justice!

I'm glad you guys are enjoying it; keep letting me know what you think! I love hearing from you!

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

 _Year 842:_

* * *

Cassandra leaned against the wooden fence of the training field in the lonesome company of an owl. Hal would tilt his head at her curiously, taking the occasional brave step of hopping toward her and taking a lock of her hair into his beak. He would tug until she lowered her knees and dropped her arms just enough to show her red, puffy eyes. She would wipe her tears and sniffle, stroking his head to his content, and then retreat back into her shell. They repeated this cycle a few times that night.

The last three years had hardened her. She had become a soldier in every sense of the word, at least outwardly. She had hardened when she noticed how little in common she had with the other cadets. They all longed for the few weekends that they had to go back to their families. Cassandra would always stay and train. Keith was always away on an expedition, and she had no other family here. At least, none that wanted to claim her. She had hardened when she learned that it was traditional for family to attend the graduation ceremony. In the midst of the excited chatter, she had left before anyone could ask her who she would be extending the invitation to.

She had hardened again tonight when she received Zeke's letter congratulating her on her graduation. She missed him so much. She loved him more than life. He wrote that he had officially received the Beast Titan. His thirteen years were now counting down. She had always been told this was an eventuality, but part of her had hoped that the Marleyean government would recognize Zeke's value and opt not to give him the Beast Titan. They would just keep him as a war chief. It was a stupid hope. The Beast Titan was integral to Zeke's plan. He had spent many nights comforting her about it after the loss of their parents. She had begged him, once, not to go through with it. She didn't want to lose him. He had smiled at her and pulled her into a tight embrace. He explained what the world was like, how cruel it could be. He needed to leave behind a kinder world for her. It was his sole reason for carrying out the Eldia Restorationist agenda. There was only one Eldian he loved deeply, and he would give anything to see her safe, to see her happy. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket and when she returned to the barracks, she was perfect and composed, just like diamond.

* * *

Cassandra heard the rank of the top ten graduating cadets announced, starting with rank ten. They stepped forward and their families would applaud enthusiastically. She began to dread the silence that would occur upon her name being called. When they reached rank three, Cassandra began to wonder if she had even made it into the top ten. She felt relief for a moment, but then guilt. She wanted to be a daughter that Keith could be proud of. How could she live up to a commander if she couldn't even make it into the top ten? She lost hope when the salutatorian was announced. She really had disappointed Keith.

"And our valedictorian, rank number one, Cassandra Shadis." the chief instructor announced. It took Cassandra a moment to understand. She stepped forward, hating how loud the noise of her boots against the gravel sounded in the silence. A thunderous applause soon followed, forcing her to turn in its direction. There stood the Survey Corps, dozens of them, staring straight at her and cheering. Keith beamed proudly. His smile widened when he made out her near invisible tells of surprise. Her eyes had widened, only slightly. Her lips had parted, just barely. She exhaled, giving him a grateful look that only he would understand. She turned toward the chief instructor and saluted, accepting her ranking.

* * *

"Have you decided on a branch, yet?" Nanaba asked, taking a seat across from Cassandra. The soldiers had surrounded her almost instantly, asking nonstop questions until they had reached the small restaurant to celebrate her graduation. She was grateful that only five people could fit into one booth. The rest had been forced to take up their own conversations in other areas of the restaurant.

"The Survey Corps." Cassandra replied with a nod. It was never a question. Perhaps that's why so many had turned up to greet her. Keith tore a piece of bread, handing half of it to her.

"Well, well, don't keep us in suspense, commander. Whose squad is she going to be in?" Hange asked, leaning over the table with both of her elbows on the wood. "I can always drop someone in my squad to make room!" Cassandra carefully examined the two women. Nanaba reminded her a lot of Beth. They both had similar short, blond hair. They both had sparkling blue eyes. They were both undeniably beautiful. She often found herself envious of them. She wished someone thought of her as beautiful, too. Hange was far more eccentric. Her dark brown hair was usually up in a messy pony tail. It was often disheveled and uncombed, poking out awkwardly from under the straps of her goggles. She was arguably the busiest person in the Survey Corps, and it showed. Her hair was rarely washed. Her skin was usually oily with sweat, and she went days without changing. Despite all of this, Cassandra still found her to be beautiful, too. She admired both women for their accomplishments. They were intelligent, confident, ...elite.

"W-wait a minute, squad leader! Who are you going to drop?!" Moblit spoke up. Cassandra didn't know much about him, just that he was in Hange's squad and usually attached to her by the hip. In fact, unless Hange was doing something stupid or dangerous, or both, Cassandra often failed to notice his presence.

"She'll be joining Erwin's squad." Keith replied, taking a sip of his tea.

"Boo." Hange pouted, sliding back into the booth with crossed arms.

"Erwin?" Cassandra asked, tilting her head up at Keith. She had heard the name before, but she was unfamiliar with this man.

"You've never met him?" Keith asked. She shook her head. "Strange. I could have sworn you had. You've been at the base enough times."

"You know how Erwin is, commander." Nanaba chimed in. "Always hiding away in his office, buried in his paperwork and planning. I'm in his squad and I barely recall seeing him this past month, outside of expeditions at least."

"Is he here?" Cassandra asked.

"No." Nanaba replied with a smirk. "He had urgent paperwork to take care of."

"A-actually," Hange started with a small, nervous giggle, "that was my fault. I didn't meet the deadline for my last set of reports. I turned them all into him yesterday." Cassandra spent the night listening to them recount stories of their adventures. They told her what she should expect from the Survey Corps. They even gave her advice for appropriately dealing with Erwin, though, assuring her that he was a fine, upstanding man with a spotless record. No one in his squad had died. Keith said he was special, and that she should look after him. He works too hard. Cassandra understood. He was one of the elite warriors her father had spoken of. She still didn't consider herself elite, at least not yet. She was still dispensable. So, she had to protect this elite warrior. That was her mission.

* * *

Cassandra stood stoned faced and at attention as Keith introduced her to Erwin. The blond man was taller than Zeke, but shorter than Keith. Not that the distinction mattered. She still had to crane her neck back to meet his eyes. She suddenly felt homesick again. She wanted to see Zeke. She was silent when Keith gave her the position of executive officer to Erwin's squad. She remained silent as the two went back and forth on the decision. Erwin insisted a more seasoned and veteran soldier like Mike was more fit to be his executive officer. Keith retorted that he could make that decision when he was commander. Cassandra found herself staring out of the window of Erwin's office, wondering what Zeke was doing. It was summer, and Zeke always got special permission to take Cassandra to the beach every summer. It was her favorite place. The smell of the ocean, the chill of the salt water, they were her favorite memories. She would hold Zeke's hand as they chased the tide in and out. He always found a shell for her to bring back home, to remember the trip. She wished she could have brought one of those shells with her. She wished she could have brought a picture of their family with her.

"Grab your gear and meet me out on the training field." She smoothly transitioned her eyes from the window to Erwin's face, never giving a hint that she had been dreaming of some far-off land.

"Yes, sir." She understood. He had high standards for his squad and he wanted to make sure she met them. He needed to be sure. She was used to this. It was standard. So, their relationship slowly formed. First with her dominance over him in hand-to-hand combat. Then with his dominance over her in vertical maneuvering gear. He told her not to feel bad, it was to be expected. He had more experience than her. He was still impressed. He had smiled at her and it had done something to her that she did not recognize. It was like jolts of electricity had been born somewhere deep in her stomach and traveled out to her extremities. The breath that left her seemed colder somehow, but she felt her throat and lungs burn hot. Her body betrayed her. Her heart skipped a beat without any reason. She felt her legs wobble though she was not tired. She felt an anxiety with a nameless cause. What was happening to her?

She had written to Zeke that night, detailing everything that she had learned so far about this world, their government structure, the political unrest, the command structure of the military, the vertical maneuvering gear, the current military capabilities, the long-distance scouting formation, and…she had included a few lines in the lengthy note about Erwin. She described the strange agony that overtook her, speculating that it was perhaps suspicion. She had received a response nearly a month and a half later, after she had returned from her third expedition. Zeke had mocked her. She could hear his laughter through his written words. She could see certain areas where the pen had begun to shake, indicating his signature silent laugh, where he would just double over with a smile and shake. The only noise that left him was when he would inhale sharply after he was done. She missed his laugh. He had told her that what she was experiencing was nothing more than an innocent crush. Of course, she knew that by now. She had figured it out on the second expedition when Erwin gently bandaged the cut on her arm. She wasn't sure how she got it, but she was secretly glad that she did. He carefully ripped her sleeve and cleaned her wound. He had asked her if she was cold, examining the goosebumps on her arms. She had said no, and he had raised an eyebrow at her, probably wondering why she was lying. Little did he know that it had been his touch that caused her to react in such an unreasonable way. _Be reasonable._ She had reminded herself when her heart fluttered at the feeling of his warm breath on her arm as he used his teeth to begin a tear in the excess gauze.

That moment between them was heaven, at least for her, and she found herself dreaming about it again in the midst of her paperwork. She shook her head. It had been happening far too often. Her hand would stop writing, and while she had every intention to stop only long enough to think about her next phrase, she would drift off into her thoughts, reminiscing about the small, accidental touches shared between her and Erwin. She read over her last two sentences again. _Engaged with titan extremity (left hand) prior to nape due to extenuating circumstances. Squad Leader Erwin Smith was rendered immobile at the moment of engagement._ She shut the folder. It was the last encounter she had to outline.

Cassandra made her way down the hall and knocked on a door.

"Come in." Erwin's voice called out. She stepped into the room.

"Have you eaten yet, squad leader?" Erwin paused and glanced up from his paperwork as if he were trying the remember the last time he had eaten at all.

"No, not yet." he admitted. He returned to the pile in front of him. It was already so late into the night. Most of the soldiers had already finished eating and returned to their dorms.

"I'll bring you a plate." Cassandra said, retreating from his room. She gave him no opportunity to object. He wouldn't have anyways. She often checked on his well-being, and when she found that he had been neglecting his appetite, she would bring back her plate as well, eating with him in silence. Admittedly, it had spoiled Erwin a bit. On days when she would eat with Keith, he often found himself waiting for her reminder to eat. He would feel his stomach growl well past midnight, and he would opt to go to bed hungry, telling himself that he would just eat a larger breakfast in the morning.

Erwin found himself thinking about his executive officer a lot, especially on nights when he went to bed with a hungry stomach. He wondered why she was so stoic. He wondered how she could remain that way under the most stressful circumstances. Nothing seemed to catch her off guard, at least not in any noticeable way. Nothing made her smile. Nothing made her frown. Nothing seemed to harden or soften her eyes. They were always neutral, just like the rest of her. _They certainly were beautiful, though._ He opened his eyes, wondering what possessed him to think such a thing. When he closed them again, he saw her in his mind's eye. Her hair was black silk. Her eyes were glittering emeralds. Her lips were glossy rose. Her skin was light honey.

It was a strange feeling, disparately similar to feelings he had experienced in the past, but completely new in its entirety. Erwin was rarely famished before he met Cassandra. When he was hungry, he would eat. When he was thirsty, he would drink. When he ached for release, he could usually find it between the thighs of a stranger. He was a well-fed man. Even when all else had been satisfied within him, he felt a similar craving for Cassandra. It was like hunger in that he knew he needed to satisfy it for his own well-being. But it was far more intense. It was like thirst in that it satiated an addiction in him. But it didn't feel nearly as destructive, nor did it leave his head pounding in the morning. It was like lust in that he admired the same qualities in her as he had in his other conquests. But he did not feel like he should conquer her. He wasn't sure it would be right. He wasn't even sure if it was possible. In many ways, he saw her as something mythical—a goddess of sorts, and he couldn't imagine a goddess being so human. They were always birthed from the light of the stars, or spun from gold-leaf, or stone given life by the breath of the wind. Those origins seemed far more fitting for the girl discovered outside the walls with no memories. And goddesses never entangled themselves with mortal men. They couldn't. They were light, they were gold-leaf, they were stone, and he was just flesh. It was inconceivable. Any thought of Cassandra that Erwin held was laced with innocence. It was a quality inseparable from her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** So, this is gonna be more of a transitional chapter so I can figure out pacing for the rest of this story. Let me know what you guys think! Big thanks to Emprexyl and Guest for your reviews!

Emprexyl - Ahh that's super helpful! Thank you! I'm gonna mess around with the pacing a little bit and see what feels more natural.

Guest - I'm so glad you like it! Really appreciate you! And yes, poor Erwin is always left out in the cold. -sob-

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

 _Year 843:_

* * *

"Does it hurt?" Cassandra asked, putting her hand gently on the swollen bump. Beth gasped and Cassandra immediately retracted her hand, fearing she had done irreparable harm. The blond laughed and grabbed her hands.

"No, sorry! Your hands are just freezing!" Beth pulled them to her face and breathed on them, rubbing them together in her hands to warm them. It was a pleasant sensation. Her hands **were** notoriously cold. Zeke would often complain about them. When she was especially frustrated with him, she would lay them across the back of his neck, sending a visible shiver down his spine and successfully grabbing his attention. He would put aside his studies and his work and agree to tell her stories. Zeke always told the best stories—fantastical ones, ones with heroes, and knights, and princesses locked away in tall towers under the guard of evil magic. She missed his stories. "Alright, try it again."

"Are you sure?" There was a clear hint of concern in her voice, even if her face failed to show it.

"I'm sure." Beth replied with a gentle smile. She knew her friend all too well by now, and her lack of emotions didn't bother her much. She knew Cassandra was a kind, caring person. Cassandra moved both of her hands to Beth's stomach and rubbed them over the firmed thing. "If you want to feel the baby kick, move your hands lower." She guided them to her lower abdomen and they waited patiently. Cassandra jumped visibly when she felt a tiny, yet forceful, amount of pressure against her palm. Beth laughed at her. "That was the baby." she explained. She tilted her head, eyes wide and alert as she stared at Beth's stomach and hands cautiously approaching the bump once again. "You remind me of my cat. I've really missed you, you know. I'm glad you're home for a while, even if it is just a week." Cassandra gently laid her hands on her stomach once again and felt another kick. It was strange but wondrous. There was a tiny human living inside of her friend.

"Beth…." She had been made aware of pregnancies. She had seen pregnant women in the internment camp before. "How did you get pregnant?" But she wasn't quite sure what caused them. Would it happen to her, too? Was it like her period? Where she would wake up one day in a panic over the blood? It had terrified her. She had rushed to Zeke's bed and shaken him until he woke. She had explained her ailment through sobs, and asked him if she was dying. Zeke had been far more frightened than her. Their grandparents had caught him trying to carry her to the hospital in the middle of the night. He had tears in his eyes as well, and he stuttered trying to explain the unbearable pain below her stomach and the blood that was gushing out of her. Their grandparents had laughed and it had angered him. _Zeke! It's her menstrual cycle!_ Their grandfather had explained through chuckles. _She's fine, I promise! It happens to women every month once they mature._

"Um…probably my wedding night. I'm not sure. It happened pretty soon after we were married." Beth hypothesized.

"How do you know it was your wedding night?" Cassandra inquired.

"Well, I don't, but the timeline matches."

"Did you eat something?" she asked innocently, looking up at her friend.

"What?" Beth didn't understand the question.

"To get pregnant." Cassandra pushed.

"No, I don't believe in any of that stuff. We just did it the old-fashion way." the blond proudly declared with a smirk.

"What's the old-fashion way?" Cassandra returned her green eyes to Beth's stomach, patiently waiting for another kick. Beth let out a small laugh followed by a small moment of silence, presumably in which Cassandra was supposed to laugh.

"It's sex." she explained plainly.

"Sex?" Another curious look from innocent green eyes. Beth's jaw dropped.

"You haven't learned about sex, yet? You're sixteen." She thought about how quickly the end of the year was approaching. "Almost seventeen!" Cassandra shook her head. "Do me a favor, ask Keith and let me know what his reaction is. Then I'll explain it to you!" Beth said with a mischievous laugh.

"Okay." Cassandra replied.

* * *

"What's sex?" Cassandra asked, breaking the lone sound of utensils scraping against bowls of food. A small moan escaped Keith as he accidentally inhaled a few grains of rice. He coughed loudly, trying to force them out of the wrong pipe. It took him a few minutes, and when he turned back to Cassandra, meeting her innocent green eyes, he found himself getting angry.

"Did someone at the Survey Corps ask you that?!" he demanded, wanting to know what loathsome man would dare try to take advantage of her. They would be punished swiftly and severely.

"No." Cassandra replied, turning back to her food. "My friend Beth is pregnant. She said she did it the old-fashion way—sex." Keith cleared his throat uncomfortably, taking a gulp of water. It didn't help matters any. He went back for the rest of the glass, finding himself woefully ill-prepared for the conversation. She was getting older, he should have known to discuss it, but to him, she was still the small child he had discovered outside the walls: sweet and innocent. Had she really grown so much in four years?

"Um…well, it's…." He scratched his chin in thought. "It's an act between two people." He reached for an example, but there wasn't quite anything like it.

"An act?"

"Kind of like kissing." he explained. "But it's not kissing." Cassandra's eyebrows twitched in confusion and she tilted her head at him. "It's like…o, boy." His palms were sweaty. "When two people love each other—" He stopped himself from the careless cliché. "Why don't we ask Dr. Yeager?" he finally offered.

"That's okay." Cassandra replied, turning away again. "I don't want to bother him. I can just ask Beth." Keith felt uncomfortable. He was glad to have the burden lifted off him, but suddenly uneasy at it being placed on a girl he did not know. What if this Beth was promiscuous? What would she tell Cassandra? No, it should be someone that he trusted to appropriately warn her of the dangers of sex.

* * *

"Keep your voices down!" Keith hissed at the hysterical women. Their laughter refused to subside, and he suddenly regretted asking them.

"I'm—I'm sorry, commander." Nanaba stuttered through her fits of laughter, doubled over and holding her stomach in gleeful pain. "It's just—" The snickers began again, exploding into uproarious sounds that forced her to kneel on the ground.

"Okay, okay…." Hange said, wiping a tear from her eye and desperately trying to catch her breath. She began chuckling again. Keith glared at her. Nanaba finally stood, her face red and hair fallen forward. She pulled it back, tucking the blond locks behind her ears and took a deep breath, a wide smile still firmly planted on her face.

"I'm sorry, commander." Nanaba continued her previous failed attempt at communication. "I just didn't expect our first assignment back from our week off to be this."

"I really need her to hear it from someone I trust." Keith explained. "Someone who can warn her about all the dangers."

"Someone who can tell her how scummy all the guys around her are, and how she's too precious for this world, so no man will ever be good enough for her?" Hange extrapolated with a smirk. Keith wanted to deny it, but it wasn't that far off from how he felt. He had truly come to see Cassandra as a daughter, and he loved her like his own. It didn't matter that she had been some nameless thing outside the walls. She was his kin now. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see a single man as worthy of her. Especially no one in the Survey Corps.

"Don't worry, commander. We'll set her straight!" Nanaba replied with a rough pat to Keith's shoulder. Hange gave him a smile and thumbs up as she followed her colleague out of the mess hall and to Cassandra's office. "Hm? She's not here." Nanaba said, glancing around the room.

"Probably checking in on Erwin. Let's try next door." Hange speculated. The pair made their way to Erwin's office, knocking only as a formality, but entering well in advance of Erwin's expressed permission.

"Come in." he said with a small glare, staring at the women who were already at his desk. Cassandra stepped down from a chair she had been using to reach the dust on the high shelves of Erwin's office. Nanaba smirked at the sight. Erwin would truly be lost without her. She had taken up every annoying task that he hated. Cleaning, cooking, organizing, filing, even reviewing reports. She had become his backbone, freeing him up to focus on more important tasks.

"Cassandra!" Nanaba called in a sing song voice, throwing her arm around her much shorter squad mate.

"Good afternoon, Nanaba." Cassandra replied in her usual monotone voice.

"Hey, I'm taking her for a while." the blond stated to Erwin over her shoulder, in a much less cordial tone. "So, Keith tells me you've yet to learn about the birds and the bees!" Her voice regained some whimsical quality as she led the young girl out of the room.

"I know about birds and bees." Cassandra responded innocently. The door shut behind them.

"What's going on?" Erwin asked with a raised eyebrow. Hange kept her gaze on the closed door. The two girls were long gone, but she still snickered. She uncrossed her arms and turned to Erwin, leaning over his desk with an uncontainable grin.

"O, nothing! Just that Keith asked me and Nanaba to educate his precious little Cassandra about sex."

"Sex?" Erwin asked, further pushing up his brow.

"That's right. Apparently, she has no idea what it is." Of course, she didn't. Goddesses have no need for such a thing. The bit of information only further solidified Cassandra's mythical standing in Erwin's mind. He returned to his paperwork, scratching away at the lines in front of him. "So, of course, we were contracted to tell her how precious her virginity is. How it should be protected from the leering and wandering eyes of mal-intent men. It should be held for the man she marries." The scratching stopped and Erwin gave Hange another confused look.

"But…neither you nor Nanaba believe that." Erwin had never come across more sexually liberal woman than as those in the Survey Corps. "Did Keith not know that?" Hange gave him a mischievous smile, bringing her index finger up to her lips as a sign for him to keep their secret. He chuckled at her. "You're so wrong."

"I should join them before things get too out of hand. See you!" Hange gave him a small wave and wandered next door where Nanaba and Cassandra sat in two chairs facing each other. Hange sat up on the desk next to them, bringing her foot up and resting her elbow on her knee.

"So…the penis is inserted into the vagina?" Cassandra looked down at her lap, probably trying to visualize how such an event would occur. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"Not if the guy knows what he's doing." Nanaba replied. "That's why you have foreplay."

"Foreplay?"

"Yea, actions you take to stimulate the body properly for insertion. It helps the guy maintain his erection and it helps the girl lubricate her vagina so it can stretch properly."

"Maintaining an erection takes way less effort—" Hange started.

"If any." Nanaba interrupted.

"If any—" Hange agreed with a nod. "than keeping a vagina lubricated. So, don't ever let a guy skip out on foreplay." she advised.

"What is it?" Cassandra asked.

"It can be anything that you like, from kissing to hugging to caressing. More commonly it's whatever you do when you masturbate." Cassandra stared back in confusion. "Don't tell me you've never masturbated." Her eyebrows twitched slightly and she shook her head. "Well, next time you're in bed, just put your hand between your legs and start rubbing. You'll figure it out." Nanaba waved off the concern. "So, it's usually stuff like rubbing your clitoris, which is a small sex organ, about the size of a pea, under the clitoral hood near the top of your vaginal lips." Cassandra nodded, taking mental notes. "It can also include fingering, which is when someone using their finger to simulate what you typically would with a penis. Then, there's oral sex." Nanaba figured the name was descriptive enough, not bothering to go over the details of it.

"Who are you supposed to have sex with?"

"Someone you like. Someone you trust." Hange explained.

"Family members excluded." Nanaba quickly added, remembering the less than familial relationship between Cassandra and Keith. She was sure the commander would have her head if a mix-up like that occurred.

"Why?"

"Well…." Hange tapped her chin. "It could be for many different reasons. You could do it just for fun because it feels good. You could do it to show the other person how much you like them and how much you care about them. You could do it to have children."

"O, yea! Thanks for reminding me, Hange." Nanaba smacked Hange's leg. "Don't let a guy orgasm inside of you if you don't want to get pregnant." Another confused tilt of her head. Nanaba nodded understandingly. "Guys release semen when they orgasm, it's this thick, sticky, white stuff. It can get you pregnant, so insist they pull out."

"Do girls—"

"No, they don't have semen. They do orgasm though."

"What does it feel like?"

"O, man." Nanaba leaned back in her chair and smiled. "Amazing. There's no describing it. It's just the best." It peeked Cassandra's curiosity. "Try masturbating and see if you can make yourself orgasm. It's usually good to know what you like before you hop into bed with a guy and expect him to figure it out. They can be pretty clueless."

"Okay…." Cassandra stared down at the ground, trying to organize the information in her head. "Do you just ask them?"

"That's usually a good way of going about it." Nanaba confirmed. "Or you could seduce them, if you're too embarrassed to ask."

"How?"

"Little things. You could wear something that exposes your body like a low-cut top or a short skirt. You could touch them gently." Nanaba leaned over and brushed her fingers across Cassandra's cheekbone before tucking a lock of her long, black bangs that framed her face behind her ear. "You could push your pelvis against them when you hug. There's all sorts of things you can do to hint sexual interest." Cassandra nodded. "Can you think of anything else, Hange?"

"Hm, not really. O, just don't ever do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable—which is why it's important to pick a partner you trust. You don't want to get hurt." Hange said.

"Yea, if you don't like something, tell them to stop." Nanaba agreed. "Other than that, if you have any questions, let us know." The two women stood, waving goodbye and leaving Cassandra alone with her thoughts. _Someone I like…someone I trust._ She had someone in mind.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** Woohoo! Chapter 7! Okay, I think I have this pacing thing kinda down (but not really at all, actually). Thanks to Empryexl for the absolutely spot on and accurate review! I can totally imagine Zeke having a heart attack over that. Along with Keith. Hange's trying to take people out before their time. Also, you totally put all sorts of ideas in my head for potential Erwin/Zeke drama. So, that's happening now. You're clearly amazing. Thank you 3

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

* * *

 _My dearest Cassandra,_

 _As I feared, we're at war. I find myself with little time to write to you. I will as often as I can spare it. Five additional warriors have inherited the Female Titan, the Armored Titan, the Colossus Titan, the Jaw Titan, and the Cart Titan. They may be children, but they are fierce._

 _The Paradis Island Operation isn't far off now. I assume we'll take it up once the opposition has given unconditional surrender. Their forces have taken heavy losses. I do not see an opportunity for a counter strike._

 _We'll send warriors to infiltrate the walls. They will be made aware of your existence. Tread carefully, Cassandra. They are loyal to Marley. You should only disclose to them what you have written in your official letters._

 _I will write to you when I know more. I'll make sure you're safe._

 _I hope you're still smiling. It may still be a while before we are reunited. They will most likely keep me in Marley during the operation as a deterrent to enemy nations, but I swear, we'll see each other again. Until then, stay strong for me, okay?_

 _With love,_

 _Zeke Yeager_

* * *

It had been an hour and she had still not made up her mind. The sun had begun to set, giving everything around her an orange hue. Something had possessed her to travel this far, but now Fear was holding her back, whispering in her ear, keeping her from knocking on his door. She should have known what to expect. She always knew what to expect with Zeke. She could guess his reactions down to the flare of his nostrils. She had found herself with a similar ability to read Keith. Then why was it so difficult to know how her father would react to her presence? She should have known his reactions better than anyone else's. The truth was that she didn't really know him. The man she met in Paradis looked like her father, he smelled like her father, he even had his mannerisms, but she did not know this man.

Cassandra took one hesitant step forward toward the house, clutching Zeke's letter to her chest. Maybe he wouldn't be upset because it wasn't a social call. She had come to deliver important information. He needed to know.

"Hey!" She froze at the sudden call, turning to meet the source: a young boy, no older than eight. His jaw hung open, his emerald eyes were wide with surprise. He suddenly smiled at her. "You're with the Survey Corps!" he remarked excitedly. She stared back at this boy like he was a mirror. Their eyes, their hair, their skin, it was all the same. Except…his face was round and long, much like the woman her father had married. Her face was slim and angular, much like her own mother's. "I'm going to join the Survey Corps, too!" There was no mistaking it—this was Eren, Grisha's new warrior.

"What's your name?" Cassandra asked, tucking the letter into her jacket pocket. She turned to face him.

"Eren Yeager!" His smile never left.

"Can you fight, Eren Yeager?" she asked.

"Of course, I can!" Eren replied haughtily. He put up his hands in the sloppiest positioning that Cassandra had ever seen.

"Show me." she demanded. He swung at her, and she easily sidestepped his clumsy movements. He tried again, and she tripped him with embarrassing ease. He fell to the ground and grabbed his scraped elbow.

"You're really good…." he mumbled, staring up at her. It didn't make any sense. He was so bad at this. The Grisha she knew would never have allowed such incompetence.

"Who taught you to fight?" Cassandra asked.

"Huh?" Eren stood. "No one. I learned it myself." No, it didn't make any sense at all.

"Your father never trained you?" she pressed. He shook his head. Emotions began to boil inside of Cassandra. She wasn't sure what she felt. Was it relief for this child who would not be subjected to the same torment that she and Zeke were? Was it jealousy that he was receiving the love that she had so craved from her father? Cassandra laid her hand on Eren's head. "Keep practicing, Eren Yeager." He called out to her again as she left, but she wasn't in the mood to stop. No, the man that she had met in Paradis was not her father, and while she knew it was wrong, she was jealous.

* * *

 _I met Eren. He's not a warrior. He's just a child. A normal, healthy, happy child. His father is just a doctor. His mother is just a housewife. There is nothing abnormal about his world. There is no special purpose. There is no greater mission. He's just a child._

 _How could he do this to us? How could he treat us like this? Were we not worthy of his love? How could he leave mom? Was her bloodline all he cared about? Didn't he love her? Why is he such a **monster?**_

* * *

Cassandra sent the letter back to Zeke, unable to bring herself to write any more than the bare necessities. She was not in the mood for pleasantries. She was not in the mood to do anything but curl up and cry. She was moments away from the sweet release of her bed. Her doorknob was in her hand when Erwin opened his door.

"Cassandra, you're needed in a meeting." He was resolute, shutting his office door before she could respond. She was grateful that her hair often obscured her face from those around her.

"Yes, sir." she whispered to the ghost of the man. It took her only a few moments to regain her composure. Unfortunately, she was a soldier, and that meant she did not take precedence over the mission. She was dispensable.

* * *

Erwin sat by his open bedroom window, listening to the soft, muffled whimpers and sniffles coming from the adjoining room. Her window was open, too. He had stirred awake in the middle of the night because of the heat, hoping to relieve himself of it with the cold, night air. He hadn't expected to overhear Cassandra's most private moments, and be so consumed by them that he wouldn't return to his bed. His arms were numb from the cold now. He tried to imagine what the girl would look like in a fit of sobs, but he couldn't. All he saw was her perfectly composed demeanor.

What could make a goddess cry? He wasn't sure he wanted to know. It had to be something awful. It was unclear how much time had passed since he first heard her, but it had been a while. He stood up, slipped on a shirt and made his way to her office. Her soft sobs continued, indicating that she had not heard him enter. He knocked on the door of her connected room.

"Cassandra?" Her voice stopped immediately. There were no more sniffles, no more sobs. He opened the door slightly. He heard the light but quick pitter patter of her bare feet against the hardwood floor.

"Stop…." The door pushed against the weight of her body, unable to move any further. Her voice was low, raspy. It was nothing like the silvery words that were usually spun by her tongue.

"Okay." Erwin leaned against the wall next to her door. He could see her doing the same through the thin sliver of opening he had managed to create. He saw her bare shoulders poking through her black hair, and the light grey of her pajama pants and tank top…but not much else. "What's wrong?" She didn't answer him. He examined her further, following her arm down to the ground, where it uncomfortably held the bottom of the door, keeping it from opening any further. Erwin moved closer to her. He wasn't sure what had his executive officer so low, but she had always taken care of him, and he wanted to do the same for her. He put his hand on top of hers. Her fingers twitched in surprise. He gently stroked the top of her hand with his thumb, and they sat together until the sun came up.

It was an unusual way to spend his nights, but Erwin felt compelled to do it. He kept his windows open, waking out of sound slumber when he thought he heard Cassandra stirring next door. Some nights it was just his imagination, and after laying in the silence for a satisfactory amount of time, he would drift back to sleep. Other nights he would hear her soft cries and sit outside of her room, holding her hand through the barely open door, never once asking to see her face. It didn't bother him. The lack of sleep or the way she kept him, literally, at arm's length. He was beginning to feel the famine lift. He was beginning to feel well-fed again. He was realizing what it meant to satisfy his craving for her.

* * *

 _My dearest Cassandra,_

 _Have I ever told you about the night you were brought home?_

 _We had spent a long time talking about the arrival of my new sister. When mom went to the hospital on the night you were supposed to be born, she didn't come home like she was supposed to. Neither did father. Eventually, our grandfather decided to check in on them._

 _The men came home the next night, explaining that both you and mom were sick. They needed to keep you at the hospital, and I couldn't go visit._

 _It took almost half a year to bring you home. When they did, you would cry all the time. No one could quiet you down. Except for me._

 _I would sit with you at night and tell you stories until you fell asleep. You must have recognized my voice because you wouldn't let anyone else hold you. You would cry, and kick, and scream as loud as you could until whoever was trying to hold you handed you back to me. Then you'd smile and look up at me with your big green eyes._

 _I felt so alone before you came home. But, eventually, nothing else mattered. I had you, and you had me. We were all each other needed. No matter what came, we would find a way to get through it together. We would be the heroes of our own stories._

 _And remember: monsters **never** conquer the heroes._

 _With love,_

 _Zeke Yeager_

* * *

Much like any other addiction, Erwin always found himself vying for more. Months passed, and one midnight meeting turned to five, turned to ten, turned to twenty. Placing his hand over hers wasn't enough anymore. He felt brave, all of the sudden he began to hold her hand, gingerly running his thumb across the knuckles of her fingers. Then he began to lace his fingers with hers. Her hands were soft and small. They felt fragile. _Like gold-leaf._ He thought to himself. And suddenly, he wanted to hear her silvery voice again.

"Do you believe in gods?" he had asked her one night, absentmindedly thinking of the walls that contained them.

"What do you mean?" He looked over and noticed her head had turned just a little in interest of what he was saying. He could see just a bit of her chin as she leaned her head against the door.

"Divine lawgivers. Righteous deities. Just overseers." Erwin explained. "Ones that keep the evil at bay."

"No." she replied, turning toward him a bit more. Even in the darkness, he could make out the brilliance of her one visible green eye. "I don't think there are gods protecting us."

"Don't let anyone in the Church of the Walls hear you say that." Erwin joked. A gentle smile appeared across his lips. "They'd spend hours preaching to you, and interrogating you about your views."

"It wouldn't take hours." Cassandra met Erwin's gaze for the first time in their midnight meetings. Then, in the most delicate and beautiful silvery tone he had ever heard, she told him, "It is just people."

"Just people?" Erwin inquired.

"It is just people who hurt us, and just people who heal us." She turned away and he heard the distinct crinkling of paper. "And it is their small acts of kindness, of love, that keep evil away. That's all." Erwin nudged the door open just a bit more and caught a glimpse of a faint but perfect moonlit smile directed a parchment in her hand. He felt empty when she returned her gaze to him without the smile. It tore something deep within him. Was he not the source of something so lovely? If not, what was? Who was? The pain overcame him, and he suddenly realized Cassandra was an illicit and dangerous drug. A few moments in the presence of a smile meant for someone else had left him squirming for more. Erwin was feeling famished again. He was starved for her smile. He was parched for her voice. Why couldn't this goddess show him mercy? Why had she chosen him to torment like this? It was cruel.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:** Alright, chapter 8 took a little bit of smoothing out, but I went through and wrote out the rest of the story yesterday (or the bullet points at least). At least now I have a little bit of a direction (kind of). Thanks to Empryexl for the review! It is kind of messed up how Eren got the childhood that Zeke never really did, huh? C'mon Grisha. You gotta do better man.

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

* * *

 _Year 844:_

* * *

Erwin had never had a problem focusing. He was easily the most focused soldier of his graduating class at the Training Corps. Nothing could distract him from his mission. It was perhaps the reason for his rank as valedictorian. He was sharp, observant, attentive. But the former valedictorian found himself with a unique issue in concentration today. In fact, now that he thought about it, it had been happening for quite a while. He tried to tell himself that the closer he edged to thirty, the more issues like this he would face. Of course, that wasn't exactly true. He was just distracted—preoccupied with her.

What had been the reason for her tears? What had her feeling so alone and vulnerable through the last few months? It had to be something serious. It had been such a long time, and she was just now starting to show signs of improvement—at least to Erwin. After all, he was the one who counted each of her mournful nights. He was the one who kept a mental tally of her sorrow. He was the one who ached for the goddess.

Was it abuse of some sort? He had heard about it in other branches of the military. His friends had told him about women in the Military Police Brigade being coerced into sexual relationships by their superiors. He had heard similar things of the Garrison. He had never heard of it in the Survey Corps—at least not in recent times. It was a different world. Soldiers in the Survey Corps depended on each other so heavily for survival. The last thing a superior officer wanted was for a subordinate to leave him in the grips of a titan because he had once put her in a similar position of powerlessness.

Erwin sighed, shutting the folder on his desk. No, he wouldn't be getting any work done until he addressed his distraction. He stepped across the hallway into Keith's office, unsure of how to start the conversation.

"I think something is wrong with Cassandra." The words slipped out clumsily. Keith's brow immediately furrowed at the perceived slight against his precious daughter. "I think someone might be hurting her." he clarified.

"What? Who?" Keith's rage was immediately redirected toward an enemy Erwin could not name.

"I'm not sure. The last few months, I've heard her crying a lot through the night. I started checking in on her, and while she wouldn't really let me see her face, we talked a little through her door and she just seemed…hurt. I thought I should let you know." Erwin shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other as the commander scratched his chin in thought. Worry lines were prominent across his tanned forehead now. His eyes bore into the ground, racing with a million thoughts.

"I'll check on her." he finally said. Erwin nodded, turning to leave, but stopping and pivoting back to Keith.

"Don't tell her that I told you. I don't want her to think I betrayed her trust." His request was met with a simple nod.

* * *

Cassandra laid in her bed, not quite able to sleep, but unwilling to get up and move around. She had been feeling like this more and more often, especially when she thought about her family. She couldn't go a day without thinking about how much she missed Zeke. It was painful to be away from him, and getting harder every day. She felt pain for her mother as well. Was she still out there? Had she been killed by the Survey Corps a long time ago? She needed the closure. Then there was her father. Cassandra pulled her knees close to her chest and hugged them as she laid on her side. A soft knock on the door interrupted her.

"Come in." she said softly, sitting up straight on the bed. Keith walked in, giving her a weak smile before pulling the chair away from her desk and situating it in front of her. He sat, taking her hands into his.

"I want to apologize to you, Cassandra." he started, keeping his eyes on her hands as he stroked the tops of them with his thumbs.

"Apologize?" She tilted her head at him, unsure of what wrong he had committed against her.

"I'm always so busy…. In everything I wanted to do for the Survey Corps, I neglected to make time for you." He glanced up at her, examining small motions of surprise on her face—the slight twitch of her brow, the slight part of her lips, the slight squint in her eyes. They were tells Keith had worked hard to recognize, and ones that went unnoticed by most. He waited for her response, but Cassandra wasn't entirely sure how to respond. Zeke had often said to her that he had disowned Grisha as his father, and called himself Grisha's former son. She had always thought it was a harsh stance, but she understood it more now. She had always thought of herself as disowned by her father, but perhaps she had been the one to cast him aside. She threw her arms around Keith's neck and hugged him tight. It was a rare gesture, one that had been reserved almost exclusively for her family.

"You've been a wonderful father. A better one that I ever hoped for." Cassandra whispered. It was honest. For so long, Cassandra just wanted her father to be proud of her. She just wanted to live up to his expectations. It didn't matter that Grisha didn't know her favorite tea. It didn't matter that she rarely saw him. It didn't matter that when she did, he kept her at arm's length. It would have all been okay as long as he told her she was the warrior he had wanted her to be. Keith had given her that and so much more.

"I'm glad." he whispered back. "Promise me you'll come to me if you ever need anything—if you're ever in trouble." It was an odd request, but one Cassandra was happy to oblige.

* * *

Erwin's face felt hot. His vision was blurry when he opened his eyes, but he could make out Cassandra's face. She was so light. Even straddling him, he barely felt her weight on his body.

"Is this a dream?" he asked groggily, enjoying the view of her smile.

"No." Cassandra replied, leaning forward, tempting him with her lips. "You're awake." He lifted his head, parting his lips to capture hers in a passionate kiss. Then, suddenly, between the slow blinks of his eyes, she was no longer straddling him, no longer centimeters from his face. Instead, she was innocently standing by his bedside, gently pushing his shoulders back down. There was no smile, just Cassandra as she usually was: immovable as diamond. "Don't try to get up yet, sir. Your fever is still very high." She wiped his forehead with a cold, wet cloth.

"It was a dream." Erwin mumbled, leaning back and suddenly recalling his predicament. It was his third day with this damned fever. His executive officer had been caring for him, just as she always did. "Goddesses don't kiss mortal men." He didn't mean to say it out loud, but he was too exhausted to care. Besides, he was sure she would just write it off as the incoherent ramblings of a sick man.

"Get some rest, sir." she replied. So, that's exactly what Erwin did. He drifted off to vague memories of her spoon feeding him soup, wiping down his forehead with ice, and gently tilting a cup of water into his mouth as she held him up. When he woke later that night, his vision wasn't blurred, his head didn't ache, and he felt hunger—with a boost of energy that allowed him to actually get up out of bed. He stepped out of his room and smiled at the sight in his office. Cassandra sat in his chair with her arms on his desk, cradling her jacket which served as a makeshift pillow for her head.

Erwin shifted his focus to the owl that sat next to her, occasionally pulling on a lock of her hair. He frowned, wondering how she could love a raptor. He had often seen it swoop down from the trees, driving its sharp talons into an unsuspecting mouse that began to scurry away just a little too late to avoid being devoured. It would carry its prey into Cassandra's room, perching up on the window sill and tearing apart the little creature with its sharp beak. When it was done, she would often be seen coming in behind the bird, wiping up the blood and tufts of fur that it had left behind. It was strange to see such a gentle, careful creature love such a predatory one.

He sighed, running his hand across her back. She stirred just a bit and he opted not to wake her. She had been at his side for the last three days without rest. It was time for him to return the favor. He lifted the small girl into his arms and carried her to her room, with the owl in close step, observing Erwin's every movement. It perched up onto her window, staring at him as he carefully placed Cassandra into the bed. It hooted at him softly as he removed her boots and her body harness. She instinctively pulled the covers over her far less restrained body and pulled herself into a tight ball.

"Get some rest, Cassandra." he whispered to her, just as she had to him for many nights. Her hand reached out from under the covers, grabbing his before he could pull away. Her could see her eyes shifting below the lids, indicating her dreaming state.

"Don't go, Zeke." she whispered.

"Zeke?" Erwin asked, unfamiliar with the name.

"I miss you." she replied.

"Cassandra, who is Zeke?"

"I love you." The words were harder to hear than Erwin thought they would be. They shouldn't have been difficult to hear at all. There was nothing between him and his executive officer. Why did it bother him so much? So much, in fact, that he forgot all about his hunger and immediately returned to his office to toil through military records. Who was Zeke? Was he a current soldier? Was he a soldier they had lost on a previous expedition? Was he a friend? Was he a lover? When the archives gave him no answers, he figured some consultancy was in order. The morning came slowly. Erwin had refused to sleep amidst the mystery. Upon the first light of dawn, he hurried to Keith's office, figuring he would be up early as well.

"Zeke?" Keith asked. "I've never heard that name."

"She said she missed him and loved him." Erwin responded. "I wonder if this man has something to do with how she's been feeling." It wasn't entirely dishonest, but Erwin still felt a pang of guilt. The truth was: he was jealous. He was so used to being the only man in Cassandra's field of vision. She worked tirelessly for him, and while he had never assumed that she held a deeper affection for him, he had never entertained the idea of her holding a deeper affection for any other man either.

"I think I know who I can ask." Keith stood, grabbing his jacket from the coatrack.

"Who?" Erwin inquired.

"Cassandra was close to a girl—Beth. Her father is a soldier in the Survey Corps. They spent all their time together while we were out on expeditions. If anyone would know, she would." Keith stopped before grabbing the door knob, pivoting to meet Erwin's gaze. "When is your squad leaving for the Underground?"

"Later this afternoon."

"Let's talk after you've captured Levi." Erwin scoffed at the comment.

"If I can capture Levi." he corrected. It was a far cry from a perfect plan, but he didn't mind. He was a bit of a gambler.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:** Yayyy, updates! I've had pretty severe writer's block for this story and I tried to fight it hard while writing this chapter. Hopefully I unblocked myself (maybe). Let me know what you guys think!

Thanks to Empryexl for the review! I'm super excited about continuing this drama.

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

* * *

"I'm sorry…what?" Beth asked with a furrowed brow as she tried to comfort the screaming child in her arms.

"A man!" Keith raised his voice over the fussy baby. "Do you know if she was seeing a man? Someone named Zeke?" Beth scoffed and readjusted the child in her arms, patting the baby's back gently.

"Shh, shh. You're fine." the blond cooed before turning her attention back to Keith. "No, sorry. She never talked about men with me. I don't even think she liked anyone." Keith frowned at the lack of information.

"Alright. I'll leave you to your—" he paused, unsure of what to refer to the child as. "—responsibilities." Beth gave him an amused smile as she watched him walk toward the door. Her eyes suddenly widened.

"O, wait!" She changed the baby to her other shoulder and walked toward Keith. "Every once in a while, she would go to this tea shop in town. The one near the stables. She would always make a big deal about being on time. She was probably meeting someone. I'm not sure who, though." Keith gave the girl a grateful smile and immediately made his way to the tea shop. He knew exactly which one it was. He and Cassandra would often pass by it on their way home from the stables. They had never stopped to try it, though.

His heart raced as he weaved through the crowd of people and entered the small shop. He made his way to the front.

"Good morning, sir. Are you—" Keith immediately cut off the cheerful waiter.

"I need some information on one of your patrons. A young girl with long, straight black hair and green eyes. Her name is Cassandra. She would have been with a man. Maybe around the same age as her? Maybe someone named Zeke?" The waiter stared back at the anxious commander in confusion.

"I'm sorry, sir. I just started working—" Finding himself with little patience to spare, Keith cut in again.

"Then is there someone here who would know?"

"A young girl with long black hair and green eyes?" an older voice came. Keith turned and saw a patron, an old man, sitting in the corner of the shop. "I think I know who you're talking about. She wore a white dress."

"Yes, yes, that's her!" Keith responded excitedly, turning his full attention to the senior. The man took a sip of his tea and closed his eyes, probably trying to recall details of the encounters.

"She's a pretty girl. I never caught her name, or the gentleman she was with, but I thought it odd that such a pretty young thing was always waiting for that older guy."

"Older guy?" Keith's fingers tightened into fists.

"In his forties, maybe?" the man speculated. "He stroked her face sometimes, but he always seemed cold to her, at least from what I could see. They wouldn't even spend a half hour together, and she always looked so sad when he left. She brought him flowers once, but he never brought her anything." The old man opened his eyes and met Keith's gaze. "That's all I know, sorry."

"Can you tell me what the man looked like?" Keith pushed.

"Hm…long, straight, black hair, green eyes, glasses…that's all I really remember." Keith frowned at the description. That could have been one of a hundred men in Shiganshina alone. If they only met sparsely, maybe the man lived further into the walls. How would he ever find him? It infuriated him—the thought of an older man taking advantage of Cassandra. He had to make sure nothing happened.

"Thank you for your help." Keith replied before taking off toward the stables at full speed. He needed to get back before Cassandra left for the Underground. He needed to know the truth. The uncertainty of the situation would certainly kill him.

* * *

"Erwin, Nanaba, my office." Keith called to the two blonds as they made their way to the mess hall.

"Hm? But we'll miss lunch!" Nanaba whined. Keith gave her a stern look, forcing her to follow him back to the main building. "What's going on?" He locked his office door and moved close to his soldiers, whispering just in case.

"I talked to Beth and found out that Cassandra was seeing some guy in his forties at a tea shop when she was younger."

"Forties?" Erwin asked, unable to contain his surprise.

"The idea that some older guy would take advantage of her makes me want to—" The commander snarled through gritted teeth in lieu of finishing the sentence. He loosened his fists and crossed his arms. "Erwin, watch her closely. Make sure there's no creep hovering around her."

"Yes, sir." Erwin immediately agreed, slightly infuriated at the thought himself. What mortal man had captured his goddess' attention?

"Nanaba, I need you to find out if anything ever happened between them." Keith instructed. Nanaba groaned and threw her head back.

"Please don't make me do that. She didn't know what sex was, I think she's fine. But don't make me interrogate that poor girl."

"Nanaba," Erwin scolded. "if she was entrapped by some older guy when she was twelve, do you think she's in the best mindset to make good judgements about relationships?" He furrowed his brow at her. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Fine, but I'm not taking a script. I'm just going to make sure she's not in any abusive situation, and that's it. Anything else is none of our business." Nanaba said, putting her foot down at the metaphorical line of her ethics. The men exchanged an uneasy look but eventually caved, nodding in agreement. The blond woman left the room and Keith turned to his subordinate.

"I swear, even if that guy only stroked her cheek, the second I find him, I'm going to impale him on my swords." The commander's words were menacing, and Erwin suspected there was real bite behind his bark. The young squad leader suddenly realized how dangerous his addiction to Cassandra was. The goddess had lured him in so easily. He had been so distracted by her that he had failed to notice the razor's edge he had been walking between Keith's gratitude and unyielding wrath.

* * *

Cassandra glanced up from her bag when she heard her office door open. She set the neatly folded shirts on her bed and walked out of her quarters.

"Nanaba?" she asked, surprised to see the blond nonchalantly running her fingers across Cassandra's bookshelves of stored files.

"Hey, Cassandra." Nanaba replied with a sweet smile. "How's packing going?"

"Good." Cassandra followed her squad mate with her green eyes as she made her rounds through the office. She looked nervous.

"Um…I never got a chance to ask you—I mean, I just assumed. When we were talking about sex the other night…." Nanaba's voice trailed off, and she scratched her neck as she glanced at the ceiling, desperately trying to secure the words. "Are you actually a virgin? I mean, you've never had sex before, right? Not with anyone?"

"That's correct." It was an odd question, but the answer seemed to lessen the blond's concern.

"Good." she sighed out, immediately catching herself. "I mean, it's good because you didn't know what it was. So, now you can make an informed decision about it." Nanaba bit her lip.

"Is everything okay?" Cassandra's brow twitched together in a small furrow for a fraction of a second before returning to its resting place.

"Yea…I'm just—Cassandra," Nanaba moved toward the young girl and placed her hands on her shoulders. "if someone hurts you, you'd tell me, right?" The black-haired girl nodded slowly, unsure of what she meant. "Good. If someone **does** hurt you, tell me." Cassandra tilted her head to the side.

"Okay."

"Good." Nanaba repeated again. She gave her colleague a forced smile and rushed out of the room, meeting up with her squad leader and her commander. "I feel dirty." she complained once inside the safe confines of Keith's office.

"What did she say?" Keith immediately asked.

"She's still a virgin. I told her to let me know if anyone hurts her. She seemed kind of confused by that, but I really don't think you guys have anything to worry about." Nanaba explained, wiping the sweat that had appeared on her forehead with the sleeve of her jacket. She always felt uneasy being dishonest with people. She never had a need for dishonesty. Love it or hate it, she would speak her mind. Sneaking around, trying to steal bits of information about Cassandra felt wrong to her. It was a foreign act, one that made her skin shiver with goosebumps and her hairline mat with sweat.

"Erwin, I still want you to keep a close eye on her. Make sure she doesn't get into any trouble." Keith demanded.

"Yes, sir."

"Really?" Nanaba groaned, watching Erwin take his leave. She turned her head back to the commander. "I thought this was to put your concerns at ease, not to stalk the poor girl."

"She's my daughter, and I will do what I feel is best for her." Keith replied, returning to his desk and subsequently signaling the end of their conversation.

* * *

Erwin stepped out of Keith's office, nearly bumping into his executive officer.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you." he quickly apologized to the small girl. She certainly seemed less startled than him. She waved off his apology. "Are you going to train?"

"Yes, we don't leave for another few hours, and we most likely won't have the opportunity to train for a few days." Cassandra replied, making her way around him.

"Right…." he whispered to himself as he watched her walk away. His blue eyes traced her long, black hair to her mid back, and then wandered further down without any command from him. Had her pants always hugged her so closely? Had every curve from the small of her back to the back of her thighs always been so alluring and well defined? _Of course, not._ Erwin scolded himself. He was a child. Now that she was forbidden fruit, all he wanted was to satiate his hunger for her. He rolled his eyes at his childish behavior and retreated into his office. Surely, paperwork would rid his mind of any incurably impure thoughts.

* * *

"Shit, where is it?" Erwin whispered to himself as he sifted through paperwork. He checked through the piles for the third time, making sure that the tricky letter had not just been stuck between the unlikely folds of a file. When he had exhausted all options in his office, he glanced at the empty space on his desk where the completed reports had sat earlier in the morning. Cassandra must have taken them into her office for review and filing, along with the letter by mistake. He sighed in annoyance and made his way to her door, giving it a light tap. When no answer came, he let himself in, hearing the unmistakable sound of the shower in her bathroom, muffled behind the door of her bedroom. He rushed to her desk, hoping to find Lovof's letter before she caught wind of him.

"Squad leader, you startled me." Erwin glanced up at the soft voice and a groan inadvertently left his throat. It seemed like she was not the only goddess mocking him. Someone far above had decided to toy with him. His eyes wandered over her glistening skin. Beads of water glimmered with the reflection of the afternoon sun that poured through her window, casting a warm glow on her honey skin. She tightened her grasp on the thin towel around her—the only thing between Erwin's hungry gaze and her naked body. Water dripped from her wet hair, creating small pools by her feet on the hardwood. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the fanciful red envelope that contained his precious letter. It stuck out from between reports, taunting him. Erwin snatched it, his ego clearly hurt by the series of events.

"Sorry, I accidentally placed a letter that I needed with the reports that you took. I just came to get it." He moved around the desk awkwardly, trying to rush to the door before the growing and persistent muscle between his legs could make itself known to anyone but him. She moved quickly, too, stopping him dead in his tracks before he ran into her.

"Your face is red. Do you have a fever again?" she asked in a concerned voice, pushing her free hand against his forehead. The smell of soap, shampoo, and fragrant oil lifted from her skin and overwhelmed him. He grabbed her wrist, a lot harder than he meant to, and pulled her hand away.

"I'm fine." His voice broke awkwardly as he rushed out of the room, but not before catching the rare and minute flinch of her face as she brought her wrist to her body, and not before he heard her whisper to him.

"I'm sorry." He felt guilty. He must have really hurt her—maybe not emotionally, but physically. Erwin flopped down in his chair. The thought of her pained look—no matter how short-lived it had been on her face—quickly solved his previous problem. His thoughts were no longer indecent. Rather, they swirled with culpability, shame, remorse. He shouldn't have grabbed her so roughly. He sighed and stood up from his chair, making his way back to the girl's office after a few minutes. He knocked and entered again, seeing her in full uniform, drying her hair. Her green eyes shot up toward him. "Squad leader, I apologize, I wasn't—" He raised his hand to silence her.

"No, I should be apologizing to you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. It was rude and uncalled for. I wasn't thinking straight." He took a few small steps to close the distance between them. "I really appreciate how much you look after me—how much you look after everyone in the Survey Corps." She stared back at him with that same stoic face and he smiled at her, gently grabbing her hand and inspecting her wrist. It wasn't bruised, thankfully. "I'm sorry I hurt you." He mumbled, running his fingers across her arm, inspecting the skin carefully. A small sigh left her and she moved closer to him. Erwin suddenly realized how close she really was. He looked down at her and she reached her hand for his face again.

"Your face is hot. I think you have a fever." she insisted once again. A small laugh, expressed only in the exhale of his nose, followed her analysis.

"It's not a fever." he assured with a soft smile.

"Are you sure?" she asked again, leaning closer to inspect him.

"Yes." Erwin barely whispered before giving into his temptation and closing the small gap between their faces. He pushed his lips against hers and waited until he felt her reciprocate the gesture. He moved his hands down her sides until they reached the tops of her thighs. He circled them around her legs, pushing his palms up against her butt and lifting her onto the desk as they kissed. He held her close and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the embrace. They shared the moment for a while, until she lost her breath and pulled away to replenish her lungs. Erwin smirked at her. She was so innocent. "We're leaving for the Underground in an hour. If you have anything else you need to do, do it now." He suddenly commanded, switching back to being her superior. She nodded cutely, trying to hide the pink blush on her cheeks. Erwin chuckled at her, stepping away and leaving her sitting alone on the desk with her racing thoughts. Though he was long gone, Cassandra kept her eyes on the door, unable to move or think. She felt strange. It was a new sensation she was not familiar with. She ran her hands over her curves the same way that Erwin had. It excited her. She stepped into the bedroom and locked the door, taking a seat on her bed and taking deep breaths before her next move. She gingerly loosened the buttons on her pants and slid her hand into them, trying to find the secret cure to this pleasurable ailment that had overcome her.


End file.
